"A Problem Page For All!"

 (This message was edited by ise-sky on 05-14-04 @ 3:08 pm EDT)

The Lost Coast Brewing Company is kind of like a tavern -- it's loud and people are drinking at the bar and watching sports on TV, and people play pool in the back. The food is really, really good and not too expensive. I just got fish n' chips -- it's actually one of my favorite foods! -- and Jasper and I both ordered chocolate cake for dessert. It was sooooo rich...like fudge with a 3-inch layer of frosting and whipped cream. I'm still totally full...I ate oatmeal this morning and now I'm even more full!

Yeah! It feels really, really weird to be away from home and have my birthday here...it feels weird to know that I'll open presents and make that special cake when I'm home again, probably the 23rd, and not on my real birthday.

Oh, the subject of Grant...there's so much I want to say! He made me a really, really cool birthday card, since he's an artist and it looks all colorful and artistic, and he wrote a poem inside. We got to know each other last year in anthropology class at the college, and he liked me and wanted to be more than friends...and I think he maybe still has a crush on me...but we hang out together and nothing ever happens that feels romantic or anything. I hugged him yesterday when he gave me the card, but there was nothing special about it.

The complicated part is that while he's a really good friend of mine, I find myself sometimes having a crush on him, too, just because he's so cute and so relaxed about everything and makes me feel at peace and good about life. Nathan can make me feel stressed out about stuff, and I guess Grant makes me feel like I don't have to be stressed.

Sigh. I hate it that Grant is a guy! He's such a good friend, but...you know me, I'm so damned flirtacious and get carried away with my thoughts.

I haven't told Nathan about going to the beach with him because he would be so angry and annoyed and would never trust me again! He's already pretty suspicious about the sand that came pouring out of my sleeve and the sand on my stomach...bluuuugh...

I'm glad that you asked about it, though, that you're curious and care about Nathan and I's relationship. I needed to get this all out to someone!

It's not like I'm going to kiss Grant or anything, though. I wouldn't want to anyway. I just have a hard time knowing the difference between friendship and a crush, and that's what's going on with Grant. I know that what I feel is just friend love and not boyfriend love, but my mind gets carried away.

I'm going to stop talking my head off now! Thanks for listening, Yana, and whoever else...