My enormous gut was giving me urgent signals to find food – hunger pangs doesn’t cover it. I grabbed a tent-like dressing gown from behind the door and half-staggered out of the bedroom into a large hallway. This seemed to be quite a nice house. I could smell fried food coming from a kitchen, so I waddled through.
In there was a woman, an attractive, slim redhead, about thirty or so, who was frying some sausages. The table was already covered in a massive spread of bacon, fried eggs, sausages, hash browns… my stomach growled again. At the noise, the woman looked up. “Hey, sweetie, good morning,” she smiled. “Have a seat.”
There were two chairs next to each other, and I was about to take one when I realised – I’d need both. One for each buttock, as it were. I sat down – the chairs creaked as I did so – and began to tuck in. I had never eaten so much food in my entire life. I was just shovelling in mouthful after mouthful, trying to fill the void in my humungous belly.
When I had finally finished, I sat back and laid my hands on my swollen abdomen. The woman who had been cooking said, “When you’re ready, you’d better go and get dressed. You’re supposed to be meeting Sadie at the café in half an hour.”
“Sadie?” I asked.
“You know – your girlfriend?” prompted the woman, chuckling. "Hard to forget that little cutie!" She tapped a photo on the refrigerator; I peered over at it, and saw that it was a group shot taken at the beach. In the middle was me, looking fat in some huge but tight swim shorts, but not nearly as vast as I now seemed to be, with a big group of people. I recognized most of them - Dmitri (who looked a bit fatter than I knew him, but nowhere near as fat as me), Amber and Celeste (who looked much the same) - but there was one I didn't recognize. She was an absolutely gorgeous curvy blonde girl in a tiny bikini, and she seemed to be holding my hand.
So that was my girlfriend? I pulled myself to my feet and waddled back through to my bedroom. The house seemed to be all on one floor, which was convenient – I don’t know if I could have handled stairs. I opened my wardrobe and took out a fresh pair of boxers, a giant pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Even these, however, were tight on me, and the t-shirt left a bit of my fleshy pink stomach exposed.
I waddled back to the kitchen. “Uh… do you know which café? I can’t remember.”
The woman laughed. “I’m your stepmother, Conrad, not your diary. I think it was probably Andrea’s. Are you all right for cash?”
“Um… I could do with a bit more, if you’ve got it,” I said, chancing it. The woman – my stepmother – didn’t bat an eyelid. She took her pocketbook from the counter and handed me some weird blue notes. I took them from her, said “thanks”, and headed out the door.
I had no idea where Andrea’s was, or where I was, so I ambled along in a random direction. I took a look at the notes. There was a man’s face on them that I didn’t recognize, and the number 100 on each. I wasn’t sure if that was as much as it seemed.
What had apparently happened was that I had traveled into some sort of parallel universe. My parents were divorced and my dad had remarried, I had an incredibly hot girlfriend and I was massively obese. As far as I could see, it didn’t look that bad.
I was heading towards the main road, and that was where Andrea’s was. It was a big place on the corner, and I saw the girl from the photos – Sadie – leaning against the wall outside. She grinned when she saw me, and as I approached she put her arms around my neck and kissed me. I kissed back, running my big, pudgy fingers down her back and over her ass. Finally she pulled away, grinning up at me. “So,” she said, “let’s go…