Ain’t no Hollaback Girl…Ain’t No Hollaback Girl…[Ring, Ring]...[Ring, Ring]…THIS BETTER BE GOOD, Kerri mumbled quietly to herself as the mesmerizing music was interrupted by a call on her new iPhone. HELLO?, OMIGOD, I TOTALLY WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU. The sounds of tiny police cars starting up and ambulances’ buzzing sirens in the background. I WAS A LITTLE PISSED, BEACAUSE, I HAVEN’T EVEN GIVEN MY BOYFRIEND THIS NUMBER YET AND TO BE HONEST I’M IN NO MOOD FOR CALLS…I’M SUNBATHING AFTERALL. “Thought and old friend could use some go old girly girl gossip,” the voice on the other line bubbled. SO I’M JUST RAFTING IN THE WATER AND…Kerri chatted on about small matters, sex with the boyfriend, beauty tips as the world around her seemed to fall apart.
ADVICE FROM THE EXPERT
SO, KELLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO NOW? Kelly Cole was probably the last person on earth Kerri should have been asking for advice; like Rodan asking Godzilla for help in saving Tokyo. Kelly Cole is the star in the website, Giantesszone’s most popular video, “Day of the Goddess,” the Gone with the Wind of giant woman videos. Kelly had been watching the breaking television news as she sat in a hot bath in her home back in the east coast. Kelly was excited to try the new flat panel television that she had affixed to the bath’s walls. Loving the part of the giant woman herself, but feeling sorry for all the people hurt on the highway, Kelly felt compelled to offer some advice to the young giant; her mantra, “scare the crap out of people, but limit the casualties,” Kelly offered. “You don’t have to do very much to enjoy yourself, just go about your business, save the people on the highway, sunbath, talk giant shit to them and… and may be go shopping as they fret over what to do about your 140 foot ass,” laughing at the silliness of the conversation and the predicament. “You don’t have to go Godzilla to have fun. Now, if I were you and wanted to win over some pretty pissed off people, I would mossy on over to that highway where that large pile-up is and start rescuing a few people or 100. The news reports say that you created a 50-car pile-up ” Kelly said soothingly as she caressed her shoulders with the bath sponge.
The police on the bridge beside the collasal Kerri listened intently to her end of the call as helicopters above used ultra-sensitive microphones to hone in on the other half of the conversation from Kelly. Kerri was bothered by the chopper; “first of all, I need to get those helicopters to stop listening to us girls”, Kerri whispered softly, sarcastically with a smile. “From what I can see there are two of them and they are really annoying.” With Kelly still on the phone, Kerri rolled her lips, open palm to her mouth and cocked her head back to a pinpoint view of one of the police helicopters no more than 50 feet overhead. One chopper attempted to back off as the pilot could see what was coming. Too late as Kerri’s air-filled lungs and glossy luscious lips conspired like criminals and whipped up a warm feminine whisk of wind that whirled its way to the chopper with precarious purpose. The sunglass be-speckled giant kept up her puckered posture for no more than a minute…
“May Day!, May Day!, Help,” the pilot and co-pilot cried out from the sky. The chopper lost control, heading straight for the water no farther than 25 feet from Kerri’s pretty pedicure. However, the chopper recovered just feet from the water, rising again quickly. NOW, THAT WAS JUST A WARNING. PLEASE KEEP OUT OF MY SPACE. Kerri waved to them in a friendly, conciliatory fashion.
But whirlwinds remained, congregating a where the chopper was now perched, creating a vacuum in the air space. Kerri watched as the chopper righted itself, then, as she noshed on yet another helping of banana, gazed in girlish wonder as the chopper’s blades lost lift and came splashing down into the water like a rock. OMIGOD! Turning to the police on the bridge as she cringend, I JUST WANTED THEM TO GO AWAY. Coast Guard boats dashed to help. The police were less than convinced of Kerri’s concern for the choppers and were getting pissed off, a fact not lost on the giant herself, but nonetheless continued chomping on banana without a care in the world. Assured the pilots were being helped, Kerri lay back in her raft, continuing her giant plans with Kelly. OOPSY, GIANT ME ALMOST DROWNED SOME PEOPLE, Kerri blushed to Kelly. YOU WERE SAYING..?