You take down the Firefighter and Lifeguard costumes off the rack to look at them. Upon inspecting them, you find a strange disclaimer on the back of each, reading “WARNING: Not For Women Or Children’s Parties. Item Is To Be Used Exclusively For Men.” An odd suggestion, but not a completely unreasonable one you think, as you look at the pictures of the costumes on the packages.
The Firefighter shows a rugged man on the cover with a hard hat, fireman’s jacket, and short-shorts with suspenders riding over his six-pack abs and pecs. The most notable part however, is the massive “hose” he’s carrying, attached directly to the crotch of his shorts. You roll your eyes at the lame gag as you read the other words written on the packaging, “HOURS OF WET N’ WILD FUN FOR ALL!” and written beneath that “Wanna Get People Wet? Includes Costume, Prop Axe, And Fully Functioning Firehose.” You chuckle a bit at it. Overall it sounds a bit cheesy, but maybe somebody might find it funny?
The Lifeguard costume depicts another handsome man with a tan on it. He’s wearing sunglasses, a bright red speedo with an inflated crotch, and a white, sleeveless shirt with “LIFEGUARD” printed on it in red. You also notice that he’s wearing fake, tan muscle padding underneath it to make him look like a bodybuilder. There’s also a whistle around his neck, which the packaging draws attention to. “BLOW YOUR WHISTLE AND GET IN CONTROL! Want To Be Worshipped As The Adonis You Are? Includes Costume, Inflatable Pool Toys, And Lifeguard’s Whistle.” You cock an eyebrow reading it. It sounds pretty impressive.
You notice one more disclaimer printed on both of the costumes’ packages as well, this one reading, “*Note: Costumes May Cause Swelling.” Making you slightly confused. You don’t fully understand it, but it might just be a misprint you guess. You decide to…
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