This choice: Azeroth buffet, yes! Delicious player characters... • Go Back...Chapter #5Azeroth buffet, yes! Delicious players... by: FFtheSnake   Hogger was honestly sick of it. People actually were FARMING him. And on top of that, the female player characters were mocking him. It was frustrating. It was humiliating. But he couldn't break the rules his world operated under. Even Deathwing, the monster who caused the Cataclysm, even the mighty Lich King, was subject to it. Players waltzed in and out of their lairs, slaughtered them, had some laughs, and went on their way. Hogger couldn't even claim he had the rep of an epic level boss. He wasn't even the ending of a story. Nooo, not Hogger. Kel'Thuzad, Illidan, Lich King, and Deathwing got that honor. Oh sure, Cataclysm gave him a buff, but still...
And now the goddamn Pandaren were getting in on it. New expansion, new story, new focus on Horde vs. Alliance... same old Hogger getting caught in the crossfire... BAH.
He had already been attacked by several Pandaren, including the recently added female Pandaren. ((Author's Note: I know there are no female Pandaren shown yet. Just roll with it for purposes of the story.)) More humiliation.
At least he wasn't on a role-playing server. He could break character when players weren't present.
He grumped, and resigned himself to being just a minor boss.
Then the Suited Man appeared, a blue-skinned Night Elf in a blue three piece suit. He grinned, doffing his fedora to Hogger in a salute. "Greetings and howdoyado? I have got a present for you."
Hogger growled suspiciously, and brandished an axe.
The Suited Man grinned. "Mr. Hogger sir, I have something for you. A chance to break free of the narrative, to live by your own will, to be an epic boss of epic proportions," he said.
Hogger blinked, growling. "Sounds too good to be true. Which means that it is. What are you offering and what's the catch?"
The Suited Man chuckled. "What I'm offering is a chance to be a wandering Boss, one that can go anywhere he pleases, do anything he pleases, destroy anything he pleases. You'll have spell immunities coming out of your ass, and be able to tank even 100 player parties. You'll have abilities undreamt of by even the most overpowered of Villain Sues."
Hogger's eyes widened. It DID sound like an amazing deal... Still... "You still haven't mentioned the catch."
The Suited Man grinned. "The effect needs fuel. What is that fuel, you may ask? That's easy one: Females of any race in Azeroth."
Hogger blinked. "Excuse me?"
The Suited Man grinned. "To fuel your new power, you must eat at least five women a day. You could even eat undead women, the powers will make you immune to every undead plague. Don't worry about getting fat, changing the shape of your body will come with the powers. Of course, with your new abilities, there's no reason you can't have fun with them, either."
Hogger's eyes widened. The female player characters had been especially cruel to him. He had fantasized about doing that to them for so long... Still... "Why are you doing this?"
The Suited Man grinned. "Because I get off on such a thing. Do you accept?"
Hogger thought for only a moment. "Hell yes!!"
The Suited Man poked him in the head. Hogger stared at him. "There," the Suited Man said, "You have now been given the power of... What?"
Hogger shrugged. "I was expecting something more... y'know, spectacular. That I'd actually feel stronger."
The Suited Man grinned. "That's because you haven't eaten any women yet. You have the powers, they just haven't been triggered. Eating one will give you a fifth of the boost."
Hogger understood now. He was still grumpy, though. "That means I actually have to find someone I can beat and eat..."
The Suited Man laughed cruelly. "I told you I get off on such a thing. I'm going to make it easy for you, and watch in delight as those lovelies slide down your gullet. There's some level 1s just over that ridge, all female," he said, pointing. "It's a small party that you're more than a match for. Go nuts."
Hogger grinned, and stomped towards the party.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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