Lincoln woke with a gasp in the dark room. He was surprised that he'd been sleeping in his own bed - for once. He didn't regret it at all; he was grateful to have a place of his own to rest his head at night. He was merely surprised that the powers that be even allowed him to have a few brief hours to himself, even while unconscious. He sighed deeply.
"My name is Lincoln Loud," the boy began to monologue, addressing the fourth wall. "And I live a rather unorthodox and frustrating life."
Lincoln saw out the tiny window of his reformed closet bedroom that it was dark outside. He couldn't tell if that meant it was still early or if it was the natural darkness that seemed to hang over the Loud House. Either way, he couldn't tell what time it was, considering that his family forbade him from keeping a clock in his room and never allowed him to own a watch. They never let him know the time.
"So you've probably heard of my situation before," he began again. "Eleven-year-old kid; only boy in a family of ten sisters, meaning that with our parents, all thirteen of us are packed in tightly here at the Loud House~"
He got out of bed and started rummaging for a fresh set of clothes, though he'd honestly put on anything, considering that, as usual, he woke up stark naked. Fortunately, he found some socks and underwear to quickly slip on.
"Well, that's the part, you know, but there's a lot more you don't~" Lincoln said, slipping on a pair of jeans. "I'm not your average 11-year-old guy, and I'm not talking about the white hair either. You see...on average, I sleep a minimum of 18 hours a day~"
Lincoln finished buttoning his pants and moved to grab a shirt. "So why do I have the sleeping schedule of a newborn infant? Well, it's a long story; it all began when I started undergoing puberty~"
Lincoln pulled an orange polo shirt over his head and slipped it through the collar.
"You see, for a while now, my parents claimed that I have some sort of genetic disease; it results in some kind of deficiency that could result in having sudden onset narcolepsy. They claim that if I don't get adequate rest, I could be out doing something in the world and fall asleep at random and even dangerous times. So they insist on me taking regular naps throughout the day."
Lincoln then found a pair of tennis shoes and brought them close.
"Now, you might think that's a pretty sweet life, right?" he asked. "Well, you'd be wrong. You remember how I mentioned I have ten sisters? Well, each of my naps lasts about one hour each day, and each of my sisters oversees me during my naps, becoming kind of like my caretaker. Yeah-yeah, I bet you're thinking it'd be great to have ten beautiful girls caring and doting on you, watching over you while you sleep, right? Well, I hate to break it to you, but it's all a load of bullshit~"
Lincoln finished tying up one shoe and moved on to the other.
"The truth is, my sisters and mom - possibly my dad too - are all a bunch of somnophiles, and they use this disease story as an excuse to knock me out to cuddle up and admire me while I'm sleeping. That's why I'm surprised to be in my room today; usually, when I'm asleep, they don't let me out of their sight. And considering that my sisters have to share me, competition can get pretty stiff. Sometimes, my sisters actively fight over who gets to keep me when the hour-long break system doesn't work. But it all ends with my mom, who usually takes custody of me at night."
Lincoln finished tying his last shoe and stood up.
"How do I know this is the case? Well, admittedly, it took me longer to figure out than I was proud of, but remember how I mentioned this started when I hit puberty? Well, my parents also claim that this disease causes me to be 'dangerously virile.' They claim that my balls will produce more cum than they can realistically hold, meaning that if I don't get them drained regularly on the hour, I'll be in crippling pain. Naturally, I've never waited long enough to experience anything like that...Because my sisters use this as an excuse to molest me while I'm unconscious.
"All the dreams I have during this are sexual, usually involving my sisters trying to get me off in one way or another. And worse, every release makes me even more tired, which keeps me asleep and makes me easier to manage, as they would say."
Lincoln then went through his drawers, looking for something.
"Now, you might think that sleeping throughout most of the day and having regular on-the-hours orgasms might be the perfect life; heck, you might be one of those guys that considers having such sexual stimulation from your sisters and even your mom as a non-issue. But trust me, I do not live a charmed life. Like I said, my sisters are very possessive and actively fight over me. Plus, having to sleep ten extra hours every day to keep them pleased with their odd fantasies means I have very little time for myself. Very rarely do I get a moment's peace; I usually can't feed myself, go where I want to, or do what I want to do. It's a rarity that I'm even dressing myself today, considering that as soon as my sisters wake up, I'll be as good as naked again in moments~
"Sometimes I believe that my family views me as more of a pet; don't get me wrong, they love and take good care of me, but I can't help but feel there is a disparity between us, like they view me as less than them. Granted, there's a good reason for that, but I'll get to that later."
Lincoln pulled out a walkie-talkie from his drawers and returned to his bed.
"I don't even go to school anymore. I used to," Lincoln said. "Before I hit puberty, my mom implemented this idea. And somehow or another, all of the female staff at school felt compelled to do the same. It seems like every woman in town has a somnophilia fantasy when it comes to me and considers it a crime if my balls go undrained for any period. I remember how it first started when Ms. Johnson called me up to her desk, pulled me into her lap, and basically tried to milk me in front of the entire class. Worse, I somehow got in trouble for this, with Johnson claiming that I was a distraction that disrupted the classroom. Needless to say, my mom was furious over this and pulled me out of school. She claimed that I would be home-schooled, but that turned out to be a crock of shit, too! I mean, you can't really learn anything when you spend most of your days asleep and getting jacked off by your sisters, can you?
"You may be thinking, what possesses my mom, sisters, and every woman in town and possibly the world to be like this? Well, it's simple; the writers of this story are perverts, and I'm powerlessly subjected to their whims. It's something I've made peace with that it's my life to be unconsciously molested by my family and any woman who gets her mitts on me. But today is going to be different~"
"Sleeping-Beauty to Safe-Haven~" Lincoln said, talking into his radio. "Operation EXODUS is a-go~"
"Roger-that, Sleeping-Beauty," Lincoln heard Clyde's voice say through the walkie. "I'm on my way over to your place right now."
"Don't dawdle; I don't know how long until my sisters wake up," Lincoln said, his voice betraying panic.
"Sit tight, Linc; I'll be there soon~"
Lincoln returned to his monologue. "See, Clyde and I have long since prepared contingencies for rare occasions like this. If I ever get a morning outside my mom's clutches before my sisters get hold of me, I sneak out of the house and spend the day at Clyde's. Unfortunately, my family got wise to these plans and took measures to ensure I can't leave, so I need Clyde's help to escape from the outside~"
A few minutes later, Lincoln heard the jingling of the locks outside his door. The door swung open to reveal Clyde holding a lock-picking set, and the padlocks scattered about the floor.
"Sleeping Beauty, your Heroic Prince has come to rescue you~" Clyde said with a bow.
"Okay, that's the last time I let you pick our code names," Lincoln said, annoyed.
"Yeah-yeah, let's just get you out of here~" Clyde said, leading Lincoln down the hall. They tiptoed as they passed the doors until they began to slowly descend the staircase.
"Okay, Lincoln, we're almost out; just a few more feet to the front door~"
"Be careful, Clyde," Lincoln said. "My sisters have gotten very crafty, and Luan has been versing them on setting up-"
Lincoln's words trailed off as, with his last step, the floor beneath him depressed. He heard a snapping rope and some kind of mechanism firing off. It was still too dark to see, but when it was all over, Lincoln felt himself suspended above the stairwell in some kind of net.
"-Booby-Traps~" he finished, realizing he was caught.
"Lincoln! Hang on, I'll get you down!" Clyde said. But they were interrupted when a feminine figure appeared.
"Where do you think you're going, Little-Brother~?" the voice asked.
The boys froze at the sight of the unusual silhouette.
"Okay folks, something else I neglected to mention about my sisters and parents; yeah, they're all Monsters~. Literally, I'm not just the only boy in the family; I'm also the only one who is fully human. Granted, they would prefer the term 'non-human entity,' but they can be quite monstrous when they want to be. In fact, 99% of the world's female population is made up of decidedly super-human creatures, making human males like me a minority~ It makes the disparity in how my family treats me a lot easier on their consciences - most humans are treated like pets in this world. And I can't say or do much about it because they're all bigger and stronger than me. Why is the world like this? Perverted writers, go figure~"
So, which Monster-Loud Sister has thwarted Lincoln's Escape Attempt?
1: Lori the Eldest
2: Leni the Sweet
3: Luna the Rocker
4: Luan the Joker
5: Lynn the Baller
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