So a human paladin, night elf druid, orc shaman, and undead warlock walk into a neutral tavern. Not an unusual sight... if there was a crisis involved. Say, the Lich King or Deathwing. But no, this was merely an investigation. And to everyone's surprise, it was one sanctioned by both Varian Wrynn and Garrosh Hellscream, two people who couldn't spend more than one minute in a room without trying to kill each other. They had ordered cooperation between the Alliance and the Horde to try and investigate two things.
One of them was the recent weight gain in several adventurers. That was an easy one. As the four who just walked into the bar could attest, the reason everyone was gaining weight is because of the new meat provider, Grendazig's Exotic Carnivore Delights, that was making waves in both factions. All of this company's meat products were insanely delicious, and people just couldn't get enough. They worked in conjunction with a fur seller, who's coats and cloths were becoming famous all across Azeroth.
The other... that was the strange thing. Female adventurers were disappearing all over Azeroth. Humans, dwarves, night elves, gnomes, draenei, worgen, orcs, tauren, Forsaken, trolls, blood elves, goblins, pandaren, and females of other races all vanished daily. There was no trace, no sign of any of what happened to them. They were just... gone. Never anyone important, but always there were women disappearing. It was baffling.
Certainly the four who were entering the bar thought so. They were members of the Argent Dawn and no longer a part of the stupid feud between Varian and Garrosh, but were glad for the cooperation. After a long day of investigating, they were tired and just wanted to rest and enjoy a good, hot meal. And fortunately for them, the tavern served Grendazig meats.
The barkeeper, a plump troll with a perpetually grumpy expression, looked them over. All of them were wearing good armor, with the heavy shoulder pads that indicated high level gear. They all sported vast, fat bodies that bulged out of their armor in places, especially around their bellies. The two females of the group, the night elf and orc, sported fat, bloated breasts that threatened to spill out of their tops, shapely despite their vast stomachs and huge asses. Indeed, they were fatter even than their male companions. They chatted amiably, waiting patiently for him to come to them.
The troll barkeeper stared at the women for a long moment before shaking his head, deciding against something. He went over to them, his grumpy expression changing to a friendlier one as he greeted them. "How can I help you?"
"Greetings to you sir," the human said, smiling and stroking his beard idly. "We'd like four Grendazig specials apiece, please."
"Extra fried tentacles for me," the orc said.
"And I think I'd like to try that zombie burger..." the night elf said.
The other three stared at her. "You sure, Callista?" the undead asked, worried for his friend.
"I'm sure, Marcus," the night elf said, smiling. "Ever since the Grendazig company learned how to make undead meat edible and plague free, I've actually been wanting to try it. It's dangerous to leave zombie cows roaming anyway."
"Couldn't agree more," the barkeep said as he went to prepare the meals. The fact that the number of female undead adventurers had gone up shortly after this escaped the adventurers completely. Just as planned.
The orc shook her head. "Whatever floats your boat, friend," she said. "No offense, Marcus, but I'm not exactly keen on the idea of eating undead meat."
Marcus smirked, patting his belly. "It's not so bad, Kellan," he said, having consumed many of the Scourge before joining the Dawn. "Interesting texture, to be sure."
The human rolled his eyes. "If you like it, I may give it a try," he said.
"That's the spirit, Dorgan! Always be open to new things!" Callista said.
The barkeeper tuned out their chatter. As it turned to the missing women, he chuckled softly. If they only knew...
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