"Aha!" Peter yelled through a mouthful of deli meat and Swiss. His work into ancient translations was finally paying off. He'd been working with a program to identify common symbols and assemble a rough alphabet possible for speaking, the idea of finding and transcribing a language unspoken for so long got him so excited his belly regularly demanded a half dozen of his favorite sub sandwiches.It was an unbelievably rare item, the best dating techniques confirmed the creation of the stone tablets to around 24,000 BC in an area surrounding the discovered site of ancient fertility symbols like Venus of Willendorf; meaning that the book predated any previous text by more than 20,000 years. Peter had been trying for 14 months to find a translation of the book, it had been written in rough symbols never seen before and the reason it fetched 1.8 million dollars at private auction by an anonymous collector was that the several of the tablets, had symbols of women like Venus, and some that were substantially larger...
Looking at the monitors Peter hit the switch on his recliner from a leaning position he loved to snack in back to a normal seat to better access his workstation. As the motorized chair lifted his bulk upwards Peter quickly shoved the last few inches of sub into his greedy mouth. The massive sandwich stretched his fattened cheeks to capacity while he picked up mustard covered cheese slices off his once white 12xl button up lab coat and shoved them in as well, pushing the food down his relaxed gullet and into his cavernous belly. Once his chair had lifted into the sitting position he reached past his bulk to his 64oz gainshake, it was his 3rd of the day and while he had gulped the first two down fresh while they were still partway frozen this one was just like a thicker glass of cold milk. "What the hell, it's a celebration!" he said before putting the glass to his mouth, gulp after gulp drained the half gallon shake in just under 30 seconds, his spare hand rubbing the upper portion of his belly as he thought about soon having the belly of Richard and how little he could reach of his fattened self then. A massive belch caught the attention of Matthew, who's work in the other lab was dropped to see what his man was up to.
"Hey hun, quite a belch!" Matthew says while Peter wipes the excess shake off his jowls and spare tire of a double chin. "Making any headway on your translations?"
*Uuurp* "Actually just got the first translation done, 14 letters and I think I have a composite of what their speech pattern might have been." Peter said now eyeballing another 5-pound sub sitting on the tray. "Oh go for it babe, I'll set it to assemble translations for a few of the tablets, let's jump to the good ones huh?" Matthew says while reaching for the mouse to configure the translator. "Thanks this is the discovery of a lifetime and I'm glad I'm sharing it with you." Peter beams before unwrapping and gulping down a quarter of the sandwich.
By the time Peter finishes off the giant sub the first 4 tablets are done translating and Peter tries to piece together the rough language. "Hmm... this does seem to be an incantation like I had estimated, oh! this one too!" Peter runs his hands under the massive rolls of his apron and shakes excitedly, the motion of his husbands quivering fat distracting Matthew from looking anywhere else. "Well of these tablets it would seem this one claims to add any amount of 'Oum.'.. their word for fat or mass, I'm not sure but I'd assume fat... They had a number system... oh fascinating! I wonder how their mathmatical.... ok back to the tablet it looks like you'd just have to say it aloud."
"Unbelievable! what do the other tablets do?" Matthew asks, prying his mind away from the 86 inches of doughy waistline bouncing around long enough to ask a meaningful question. "It looks like this one you can... yes! you can multiply your current weight. I can't believe they had addition and multiplication it's outstanding!" Peter says before attacking his 4th milkshake of the day, he could feel the excitement in his tentlike khakis as another 6,500 calories was gulped down faster than before. "This one has something to do with fertility, hah better let Eldonia and Alessandro know." "What about the last one?" Matthew asks, dreaming of the possibilities if these were to work. "Looks like something to do with loosing weight, hah who needs that one?" Peter laughs, he really should present the slides to Richard, he'd been asking about them recently and if anyone appreciated them it'd be the man who paid so well for them.
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