Connie heard the creak of the front door swinging open followed by the trademark aggressive whine of her daughter Victoria,
"Mooooooom!"
Normally the sound of her command would have sent Connie dashing to the door so quickly she'd be out of breath by the time she got there. But that was old Connie. New Connie took her time, waddling over to the living room and waiting there with a smug grin. Victoria, meanwhile, tapped her foot impatiently while Penelope snuck over to the kitchen for a post-school snack.
"MOM!" She was screaming now, "Get your hippo ass out here! Devvin wants to meet me tonight and I have NOTHING to wear so we need to go out now so I can get some new tops!"
Connie had to stifle her laugh because she knew Victoria had no idea how true that statement was. She didn't budge, she just called from the living room,
"Sorry Tori, hun, I can't hear you from here! You're gonna have to come in here!" Connie said. Victoria absolutely loathed being called anything but her name and Connie knew it.
Victoria, now red-faced and frothing, stomped into the living room, "MOM! Get your fucking keys and your fucking purse and get in the fucking car! We need to leave now because I refuse to be late to meet Devvin!"
Connie smiled and tapped her chin, not phased in the slightest by her daughter's temper tantrum, "No."
"Excuse me?!" Victoria hissed.
"I said no. It's a school night, and furthermore the way you're speaking to me makes it clear that you're not mature enough to go out with boys."
"Eck-fuckin-scuse me?! Who the fuck do you think you are you fat, nasty sow of a-"
Connie had heard enough. She clenched almost imperceptibly and a growling fart ushered out from her mighty ass. Connie hadn't even turned to fire it and Victoria still felt the crippling power of her mother's butt blast. Her knees shook, her eyes watered and her voice quivered,
"That's f-fucking disgus-"
Connie cut her off with another, smaller toot, "That does it! Cursing in my household is now punishable by a day's grounding!"
She stood there, hands on her hips, and Penelope returned from the kitchen with a cup of yogurt. She scrunched her nose as the offensive smell and moaned,
"Jesus H, who died in here?"
Connie didn't answer Penelope, but she did snatch that cup of yogurt from her and down half of it in a single gulp.
"And so's stealing my snacks!" Connie added to her rules, "I believe these are my yogurts, Penelope. And these new rules are retroactive, meaning you two are both grounded!"
The girls both started shrieking curses and refusals at Connie, but she just calmly turned about, bent over and grunted out a hard, sharp fart that could've made a tuba blush. Astonishingly, the fart stunk of bad strawberry yogurt, as if Connie had magically digested it all of the yogurt in an instant to add to her arsenal.
"To your rooms, both of you! If I have to fart again I'll be joining you in your rooms for the night with a can of Bush's!"
And that threat was more than enough to send the two scittering off to their room and slamming the door shut. Connie trailed them, putting her ear to the door to hear their groans and gagging at the condition of their room. Before they could throw the door open, Connie locked them in! She dusted off her hands, chuckling to herself and ignoring the banging and screaming behind her. It looked like she had the night to herself!
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