"So... Mom's looking... Um..." Alice said sheepishly as Mel helped her unpack her bags. Mel wobbled her way over to Alice's dresser, unceremoniously dumping several pairs of undershirts into the open drawer before hip-checking it shut, sending her entire body wobbling once again.
"Bigger?" Mel exclaimed with a giggle. "Yeah, I know- isn't it great! Did you see her when I opened that box of donuts? She was all, 'Melaine blah bluh bluh blah bluh- oh my, Boston Crème? I guess I could have just onnnnne..." Mel giggled again as she finished her rather on-point impression of their mother. Alice peeked through her doorway nervously, hoping her mother wasn't on the prowl, but she was no where in sight. She shut the door quickly before turning back around to Mel.
"Mel! Don't do that while she's in the house, she'll be so mad!" But even Alice had to let out a small chuckle as Mel perched her hands on her expansive hips and did more impressions of her mother. "Seriously, though- what happened? She's barely eaten more than 2 slices of bread a week before, and now she's... Um..." Alice blushed at the thought of her mother's newly developed pot belly stretching her sweater into an almost unrecognizable impression of a snowflake. And those wide hips! While it certainly was a bit of a saving grace for the now pudgy Alice, it was still quite a shock to see her mother in such a state.
"Well..." Mel said with a devious grin- the kind of grin that made Alice sit down on her bed, as she knew what was coming next: a long, convoluted scheme involving the ever present turf war between her mother and Mel in regards to diet regimes.
-----
"MELAINE CARLYLE FOR THE LAST TIME IF I FIND ONE MORE TUB OF ICE CREAM IN THIS HOUSEHOLD I WILL-" Mrs. Carlyle screamed, staring angrily into the freezer as small clouds of vapor poured out into the warm kitchen. "Oh." She stated plainly as she read the label: Low-cal, no fat, no carbs... Those were the types of things she liked to see on labels!
The thudding of heavy footsteps- along with the slight rattling of hanging dishware- signaled Mel's arrival. "You'll what?" She stated, with a knowing grin sneaking up on her face- one she hid expertly as soon as her mother turned around to face her.
"Did you buy this on accident, Mel? I can't imagine you buying something so... Relatively healthy, for what it's worth." Her mother turned the slightly frosted carton over in her hands, reading the label. "Hm... Practically no calories, there's no fat- oh, they used... Hmm..."
"No, mother, I didn't buy it on accident. I figured you might be on to something, what with all your... helpful critique of my figure... I bought the sugar free chocolate syrup, too." Mel had to grit her teeth during her entire lie, but, like all master plans, this one required a lot of patience, and sacrifices- in this case, she was sacrificing her rapier style wit in exchange for what she hoped would be her ticket to food freedom in her shared space with her mother. "You should give it a try, mom. It's not half-bad, maybe you'll like it." And with that, Mel left, spending the next few hours popping bon-bons from her secret stash in her room and catching up on teen drama on facebook and twitter.
That night, when she crept out of her room for her nightly snack, she found the container of ice cream missing two scoops off the top. "Bingo." She said with a triumphant fist pump that sent her fat arm wobbling.
-----
"Now, Mel, you've never made me dinner before- I know you took that culinary class, but are you SURE that this meal doesn't have any transfats in it?" Her mother, the ever present backseat cook, nagged for the hundredth time as she strolled back into the kitchen.
"Look, mom, if it'll make you let me cook in peace, you can look through the ingredients yourself- here!" And Mel tossed the open cookbook in her mother's direction, where it was nimbly caught.
"Mmm... Asparagus, okay- you're using wheat noodles?" Mel nodded, annoyed. "Okay, and... Okay, make sure you use the avacado oil, but only-"
"Mom! I went to SCHOOL for this stuff. I said you could see the recipe, now give it back and get out! Dinner will be up in twenty minutes or so.
"Oh, fine. You've really got to learn to appreciate a little critique now and then, and I think-"
"MOM. OUT."
"Fine!" But the Carlyle's shared a mutual laugh for the first time in a long while.
Of course, Mel loaded the dish up with butter (cleverly hidden inside a tofu box), used plain noodles (of course) and even dumped in a few extra tablespoons of olive oil, which made a very satisfying (and fattening) batch of Penne with Asparagus and Vodka Sauce- topped with a hearty amount of Parmesan, which Mrs. Carlyle blanched at- but ultimately ate. And even went back for seconds.
-----
"Mom, when was the last time you had pizza?" Mel shouted from her room.
"Um, probably... High school? I think?" Mel's mother shot back.
They had developed quite a report over the past month or so- Mel was even actually enjoying her time with mother, on rare occasions. And, in a completely astounding turn of events, her mother had even packed on a few pounds. A sparse few, but enough for it to show. Mel waddled into the living room, where her mother was watching the daytime news. Despite sitting straight as a rod, as always, Mel couldn't help but eye her mother's normally flat stomach, which was showing just the slightest sliver of pudge as she sat on the couch. Of course, this only showed for a second before Mel's echoing footsteps alerted her mother to her presence, which meant her stomach was immediately sucked in, giving her her usual appearance of 0% body fat.
"Well, I found this recipe-" Mel began, but her mother stopped her immediately.
"Melaine! I will not eat that... Carbohydrate bomb that is pizza, I know you've made some incredible dishes lately and I assure you I am very grateful, but I have to draw the line at-"
"0 carb, sauceless, original Sicillian style pizza?"
"...Okay. But ONLY ONCE!"
Of course, it was far from zero carbs. But if Mrs. Carlyle was aware of this, she certainly hid her knowledge as she grabbed her third slice from the pizza pan.
-----
"And, I dunno, that's kinda just been going on ever since! As you can see, she's definitely feeling the heat." Mel smirked at her sister as Alice sat with her mouth wide open.
"You've been... Feeding mom?! That's, that's, that's..." Alice began to stutter as vague flashbacks to Buttercombe ran through her mind, but Mel quickly patted a heavy hand onto Alice's shoulder.
"Alice, you gotta realize- this admittedly did start out as just a... I dunno, a weird kinda revenge plot, but mom has seriously loosened up lately! Figuratively, anyways..." Mel winked roguishly at Alice, who let out a small giggle despite herself. "She's trying to keep up appearances, but trust me, by dinner tonight she's gonna be as friendly as a kitten, just you wait..."
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