This choice: Things get more complicated, and you see very little of Sarah. • Go Back...Chapter #6Things get more complicated, and you see very l... by: fantaghiro   The next few weeks were very rough for you. You spent a few days at the hospital helping Sarah accept the massive change she woke up to. She handled the news better than you expected, trying to find solace in the fact the fact that she was still alive and younger and healthier. And Deborah was a godsend, reaching out to Sarah and making a real connection with her.
Sarah wasn't thrilled with the idea of moving in with Deborah and having to live Jessica's life, but she eventually accepted the necessity of your agreement with the hospital. You promised you'd see her as much as possible, explaining Deb's plan to pretend to have a relationship with you. At the time Sarah found that to be quite funny. You weren't exactly a 'player' - Sarah had worked hard to bring you out of your shell when you started dating, and the idea of you rebounding with such a pretty young woman after your wife's 'death' was very amusing to her.
You spent as much time as you could with Sarah in the hospital, but there was a slight awkwardness to your relationship. You did nothing more than hug, hold her hand and kiss her cheek. You were almost never alone, with doctors and nurses around so much, and Deborah's presence reinforced the limitations on your behavior. She also forced you to begin calling Sarah 'Jessica', saying that you both needed to get used to that. Dr. Saunders encouraged that as well, pointing out that most of the hospital staff had no idea of what had truly happened to your wife.
When she was discharged to go home with Deborah, you had to go back to your empty house and face planning Sarah's funeral. Between that and family and friends visiting to comfort you, there was no opportunity to see her for a few weeks. The best you could manage was to call 'Jessica' nightly. It was comforting to pour out your heart to her - she was always a great listener. She listened quietly as you emptied out the emotional strain of funeral arrangements and missing her. The day your sister pushed you to go through Sarah's clothes and belongings was particularly bad, and being able to talk to her about it that night was a relief.
But the converse was more difficult for you. As long as you were talking, it was easy to pretend that it was still Sarah on the other end of the line. But whenever 'Jessica' spoke it was difficult to remember that the young, girlish voice belonged to your wife. She talked about the stress of learning her new life and it all sounded so alien to you - 8th grade, teenage friends and relationships, dance class, soccer. You couldn't really relate to any of it, though you were sympathetic. Deborah had completely immersed her into Jessica's life - going through old pictures and videos, having her participate in Jessica's activities, and spending her free time with Jessica's friends. You asked Deborah to slow down, that she might be pushing too fast but she convinced you that it was necessary. "The quicker Jessica acclimates to her life, the better off she'll be," she pointed out. "This is the one she has now, so she must get used to it. I want to build connections for her so that she'll feel like she belongs - it would be too easy for her to spiral into loneliness and depression. I'm not giving her time for that."
Jessica did ask you about skype, saying she missed seeing you. You said you really couldn't as long as you had family staying. The excuse was not wanting to raise any questions or suspicion - but you had to admit to yourself that perhaps you just weren't comfortable with the idea of video chatting with 14 year old stranger, even if she were actually your wife.
Eventually the funeral and mourning period passed and your family and friends let you be, going back to their own lives and concerns. You were looking forward to finally seeing Sarah, or 'Jessica', again. Unfortunately your work interefered. Your boss apologized for bothering you so soon but said that they had an urgent need for you to go to Chicago. A critical system was on the verge of failure and they desperately needed you to investigate and repair the problem. You tried to beg off but couldn't explain the true reason you didn't want to go - so you found yourself in Chicago for 4 weeks.
You tried to keep in regular contact with Jessica and Deb, but the long hours made it difficult and soon your calls dropped to a couple times a week. When you were finally able to make your plans to come back, Deb told you that she and Jess were going out of town. School was on holiday for a few weeks so they were going to visit her parents.
By the time they returned, it had been almost three months since you had seen Jessica. You began calling Deb regularly to ask about coming over to visit - but somehow the time never seemed to be right. "Jessica has dance class tonight," she'd explain. Or "Jessica is out with her friends." Finally, after another couple weeks with no progress, you began to wonder if Deborah was blowing you off. Maybe she had got comfortable and was afraid you would upset the status quo. Or perhaps she had planned to shut you out from the beginning. You didn't know, but you weren't about to give up on your wife. So you decided that if Deb was blocking you, you would just reach out to Jessica directly.   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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