Usually when you drive you have music blaring, but you decide you just need to think for a bit so you keep the radio off. As your drive around your neighborhood you start to see the effects of this new order. You see little 8 year old Suzie Jenkins with a pair of feet sticking out of her little mouth and a stomach that is nearly as large as her whole body. The sight chills you to the bone and you decide that you could actually use a little distraction and flip the radio on. You hear one of your favorite radio personalities come on the radio, "Heavy Metal Jackie."
"All right, that was the 'Prince of Darkness' himself, Alice Cooper with his 1991 hit 'Feed My Frankenstein.'" You hear Jackie say in her almost growly tone. "I think that's a pretty apt song wouldn't you say Jerry?" She says as a few grunts come over the airwaves. "Sorry folks, my producer Jerry's kind of busy feeding MY frankenstein at the moment. I'm gonna go help him with that and leave you metal-heads with a little Deep Purple, here's, URRRRRP, 'scuse me, here's 'Highway Star.'
You find yourself chuckling a little, but only for a split-second before your absolute favorite song to drive to comes on, then that little switch in your brain flips on. You twist the volume knob all the way to the right, roll down the windows on your car, get onto the highway, and put the pedal to the metal. Your 1998 Mercury Tracer rips down the road, it's incredibly quick for such a small car. You bang your head and sing along with Ian Gillian, constantly speeding up, feeling like a badass as you weave in between various cars you're flying past. You're living it up, when all of a sudden you glance in your rear-view mirror and see red and blue lights flashing violently. You then glance at your speedometer and see that you're currently going 91 in a 70. As quickly as you can you get off the highway and pull off to the side of the road, a police motorcycles pulls up behind you. You shut off your car and silently curse Deep Purple for having such an infectious song.
You look in your mirror and see the officer get off her bike and walk up next to your car. She is huge, you roll down your window and have to look up at her. She stands nearly seven feet tall, a good half a foot taller than you are. She pulls off her helmet and a forests-worth of long, cherry red hair collapses down to her fit body, barely touching her firm and abnormally large breasts. You glance for a second but quickly snap yourself out of it and look up to her. She takes a step back and looks at you, her arms crossed.
"Sir, license and registration," she says in a stern voice. You give her your license and papers, she looks over them for a minute before breaking the silence. "Sir, my name is Officer Belinda Deenihan. Do you know why I pulled you over?" She spoke with a mature tone, which seemed fitting as she looked to be in her late-twenties, early-thirties.
You try your best to keep a level head, you've never been pulled over by a cop before and it's a little stressful. "Well ma'am.--"
"Please," she interrupts. "Call me Officer Deenihan."
"Right, s-sorry," you respond. "Well Officer Deenihan, I.... I imagine you pulled me over because..."
You think back to something your friend Adam told you as he's constantly in trouble with the cops. "Dude, all you have to do is get a cop to laugh, if you can make 'em laugh they'll let you off with a warning. Trust me, it works every time."
These words ring in your head and you figure you should try and make it work. "I imagine you pulled me over because.... because I just look so dang tasty." You put on a smile as you say this, then instantly want to slap yourself as your realize what you just said. How could you have been so stupid.
You look up at Officer Deenihan, as she removes her sunglasses from her face, revealing her sharp green eyes. "Well no hun," her voice taking on a more seductive tone. "I pulled you over because you were speeding like a bat out of hell, but now that you mention it," as if on cue her stomach grumbles as loud as a semi-truck. "I was about to eat my lunch when you sped by, so I'm dreadfully hungry. Maybe you can help with that?" She gives you a wink and licks the corner of her lips.
Oh god, what have you done, you idiot. You couldn't have thought of anything better, you keep thinking to yourself. "Uhm ma'a- I... I mean Officer Deenihan, please. That's not what I meant to sa--"
"Hush up... John is it?" She says looking at your license.
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