Jimmy Joe Bob threw his trailer door open wide and scratched his belly in the morning light. He was a relatively skinny boy, and not to bad looking. He embraced the redneck lifestyle, but he was a horny little fucker and he just wanted to get laid any way he could, his current life as a virgin was killing him.
Looking over to old Mrs. Studenbander’s trailer he saw some old lady in red and white sneaking around outside. She was dressed for winter in the middle of this sweltering July, but weirdly enough Jimmy Joe Bob could see she wasn’t sweating. He snuck up behind her and whispered in her ear, “Whatcha all doin’?”
The woman jumped thee feet in the air if she jumped an inch, and when she came down she looked Jimmy Joe Bob over and recognized him, as she recognized all children in the world, and figured why not? No one ever believed him anyway, being the liar and exaggerator that he was. “If you must know, I’m Mrs. Claus and I’m trying to get this ring on Mrs. Studenbander’s finger to change her into the next one so I can retire.”
“Well shucks Mrs. Claus,” Jimmy Joe Bob saw no reason to assume she was lying, If UFO’s and Bigfoot could be real, why couldn’t Santa and Mrs. Claus? “Does Santa alike to fuck a lot?”
“Not that it’s your business, but yes he does. It’s one of the reasons I want to retire, I don’t know ho much more of a pounding my box can take!”
“Well why don’t we head into mah trailer and have us a seat, my parents are gone, and I just may be more then a little interested in your pre-posal.”
Mrs. Claus raised an eyebrow. Was this kid that horny and serious? It would make this whole process easier. She really didn’t want to have to chase Mrs. Studenbander down and slip this ring on her finger, even if she was the most worthy. But then again, Santa was a bit of a dick and often thought with his dick, so who said he needs the most worthy? “Why not Jimmy Joe Bob, why not?”
Mrs. Claus explained all of the potential responsibilities and how once he makes this decision he could not opt out for the next 50 years, but all he seemed interested in was how much sex he could get, and from where, and what his transformation would be like. “So mah thoughts will guide this here trans-for-mation-iny?”
“Yes, but you’ll have to bake, knit, and do kids appearances for at least 50 years, you understand that right?”
“An yeh all keep the fridge fully stocked with beer?”
“Yes, but-!”
“Then what are we watin’ for?” Jimmy Joe Bob winked as she took the ring and slipped it on his finger. “Mrs. MILF Claus here I come!”
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