This choice: Something in the water turning men into horny women • Go Back...Chapter #2Something in the water turning men into horny w... by: Yote   It is midsummer and swelteringly hot, the worst heat wave in living memory. It is intolerable. Attempting to avoid the cruelty of the midday sun, you laze on the living room couch in a pair of shorts, eating a cornetto. Every so often you roll over or sit up, peeling your sweaty skin off the hot leather upholstry. Other than that you just lie there, too hot to move or think. The tv remote hangs loosely in your hand as you flick mindlessly through the channels.
BREAKING NEWS
As the channel lands on the BBC, your attention is gripped by the headline.
Zpunk manufacturer issues immediate product recall of new deodorant lines.
Playing behind the headline is a clip of Zpunk's latest advertisement, that of a geeky young man dousing himself with Zpunk's deoderant and immediately being set upon by a horde of sex-crazed women, who tear his clothes off. As the clip loops, the headline switches to:
Mysterious chemical outbreak believed linked to Zpunk.
"We apologize for the interruption of scheduled programming to bring breaking news. The manufacturer of the popular antiperspirant, Zpunk, issued a complete and immediate recall of all of its new lines of fragrances, citing structural defects in the integrity of the cans. Zpunk, a subsidiary of Faureal Pharmaceuticals, is rarely far from the headlines, courting controversy with the often sexual nature of much of its branding and for advertising campaigns that many feminists have branded misogynistic and objectifying'"
"The company came under scrutiny last year after revelations that chemicals used in the production of the antiperspirant were analogues to a number of female hormones, with the potential to affect the physical and mental development of children contaminated by the chemicals. Accused of attempting to use their product to turn women into the fantasies portrayed in their advertising, Zpunk ceased production, maintaining that the analogues had entered their supply chain accidentally. This week, following extensive rebranding, the company released twelve new fragrances."
You glance to the window. Five cardboard boxes sit in the window sill, covered in the Zpunk logo. Your dad works for Zpunk. He's one of the lead research scientists. They'd rewarded him with several large boxes of Zpunk spray, enough deodorant to last a lifetime. Or in this weather, five minutes. One of the boxes is open already.
The reporter continues, "However, following yesterday's launch, many of its consumers have complained of side-effects experienced after using the spray, many taking to social networking sites such as twitter and facebook to voice their concern. Many A&E departments across the country were overflowing today as thousand of people reported unusual symptoms. An emergency meeting of the Chemical Hazards Agency has been called to discuss the extent of this chemical outbreak. We go live now to the Zpunk head office, where Zpunk owner Richard Holland is issuing a statement."
The screen switches to an press conference. A large ginger-haired, red-faced man in a suit is addressing the camera. He looks as though he could use some Zpunk himself - he is sweating buckets, his underarms are soaked and he wipes away torrents of perspiration from his ruddy brow. Perhaps it is the weather. More likely it is the hostile mood of the press thrusting microphones into his face.
"Following the statement released following the initial recall, Zee-punk would like to make an additional statement regarding several of the compounds found inside the deodorant itself," Richard Holland spoke, clawing at his collar as if struggling to breathe. "Following further investigation, it would appear that several of the active ingredients found in the deodorant may undergo a chemical reaction when exposed to high temperatures, a fact that was not picked up on during laboratory testing. The resulting chemical product would appear to be an... an hormonal analogue several thousand times more potent than.... than was originally intended."
The crowd surges forward, almost jostling the large man off his feet.
"Is this an indication that the compounds found in the previous batch were placed there on purpose, Mister Holland? Is this an admission of guilt?"
"Is this another attempt by your company to turn otherwise normal women into sex-hungry bimbos simply as a means to sell more?"
"What does Zpunk have to say to the men experiencing severe cases of gynecomastia following the use of your spray?"
His bodyguards push back the crowds. He grips his crumpled press release tightly in one sweaty hand. "In addition, trace elements of gene modulators used during the animal testing process may have found their way into the supply chain with the potential for unforeseeable mutagenic effect on human cells.."
The news media floods forward again.
"Mutagenic?!" one of the reporters cries. "Are you saying these things cause cancer?"
Holland blurts defensively. "'Of course not! They're mutagens not carcinogens. There's a world of difference." He pushes back along with his bodyguards, plowing his way through the reporters like a man forging through a river, using every inch of his 6' 4' to get to the exit. "Let me through, damnit! This press conference is over! I've got a doctor's appointment to keep!"
All of a sudden he seizes, his body going stiff as a rod as the colour rushes out of his face. A hush falls over the journalists. He tilts his head back and a pained, wordless moan escapes his lips. His thick fingers clutch the left hand side of his chest, and for a moment he looks to be having a heart attack. Then he grabs at the right of his chest too, clutching his pectorals, strands of drool flying from his lips as his body starts to shake and thrash.
Then, inflating like helium balloons, two of the biggest tits you've ever seen spring into existence on his chest, expanding with such force that they burst free of his suit. He tries to cup them, but even his meaty hands aren't up to the task. His terrified face can just be seen peering over the top of his beach-ball sized breasts.
The crowd backs away. The Zpunk CEO collapses in the empty ring of people, his body undergoing a startling metamorphosis while the camera watches. His bulky physique falls away, becoming abundantly, almost cartoonishly proportioned feminine curves - baby-making hips and a hell of a badonka-donk. His short, ginger hair spills out around his face as a luxurious red mane. If you had to describe him, you'd say he looks almost exactly like Jessica Rabbit.
His transformation isn't finished yet. A wave of thick red fur sprouts over his hands, feet, face and breasts in a slow ripple, and a long bushy tail blooms out from the back of his trousers. He looks like a fox... no, a vixen.
You look at the the boxes of Zpunk spray currently baking in the hot sun of the window sill. Each of the different fragrances has its own name, usually something enticing like Excite or Touch or Euphoria. One of them is labelled Vixen.
On the tv, the CEO is being tended to by his bodyguards, while the press look on in shock. Just then, one of the bodyguards collapses atop the vixen as curly blonde hair erupts from his bald head, while the cube-of-muscle that is his body begins to twist into something slutty.
We interrupt this breaking news with a warning from the Chemical Hazards Agency. Do not apply Zpunk spray. Attempt to isolate yourself and any members of your family from Zpunk. Report anybody who may have contacted Zpunk in the last 48 hours to your local hospital for immediate decontamination.
Contact with Zpunk may cause swelling, irritability, confusion, delirium, uncontrollable libido, mutation and catastrophic testicular failure.
The five boxes of Zpunk spray sit on the windowsill. Five fragrances.   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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