Jesse looks at the two huge clowns, whose names he doesn't even know yet. He knows this is a weird and scary circus with weird and scary clowns who can't be completely trusted or completely human. He knows they asked him to be their volunteer at their eating contest, not their challenger or competitor. He also sees there's no way he could even fit next to them or between them on that bench. Whatever they intend for him, it can't be good.
But then he looks back at Crispy. He knows what Crispy wants to do with him, and that's no good either. She says he'll survive being fried, and maybe he even would because this is a weird place, but he still doesn't believe her. Crispy waves at him and blows him a kiss. He can already feel her uncanny presence pulling him closer, so he wills himself to spin around and look at the other clowns and speak up.
"So, how do I, um, volunteer for this contest?" he asks. He feels Crispy's presence briefly recede from his mind. He's not sure he can articulate the "rules" this place or these clowns' powers follow, but he's maybe starting to get a bit of a grasp.
The clowns clap their hands and squeal with delight.
"Told you he would!" says the clown on the left.
"And you were right," says the clown on the right.
"Oh, where are our manners, we haven't even told you our names! I'm Lulu."
"And I'm Lala."
"And you are?"
"I'm Jesse," Jesse answers.
"Aww, what a sweet name!" Lala says. She motions for Jesse to come join them on the stage. There's no room at the bench, so, without even waiting for them to try to compel him, he just climbs up on the table.
Lulu and Lala start caressing him immediately. Two pairs of huge, fat, rubber-filled-with-lard hands and arms rubbing all up and down his naked body. They don't have the same claws the tent clown had, and they're not as rough as Crispy's were. It almost feels pleasant. Jesse asks if there's anything he should be doing now. Lulu shushes him gently. "Just let us finish inspecting you first, Jesse," she says, running her green tongue (apparently they come in green and blue here) across her yellowed fangs (apparently that's consistent from clown to clown).
The clowns knead, massage, and manhandle Jesse for several minutes, squeezing and pressing and pinching and playing with every bit of his flesh to their satisfaction. It feels like the creepiest but most thorough deep tissue massage in the world. They reach a decision without needing to speak to each other, simultaneously just stopping.
"Okay," says Lulu.
"You passed inspecion," says Lala.
"You're our new volunteer!"
"That's, um, that's great," says Jesse, both relieved from his massage and uncertain about how suddenly it started, how suddenly it stopped, and how there still isn't anyone else around and nobody's told him what being a "volunteer" means here. "So, do I get a seat here? What are we eating?"
Lulu and Lala laugh, a booming, echoing guffaw and cackle that Jesse can feel in his very bones. He can also feel their answer coming long before they say it, but when he even thinks about getting off the table he suddenly feels their combined presence, individually even weaker than Crispy's but far stronger when used all at once, compelling him to stay, to laugh with them, even to scoot closer and put his hands flat on the table.
"Oh, Jesse, honey," says Lulu.
"Oh, Jesse, sweety," says Lala.
"You aren't eating anything here."
"Volunteers don't eat in the contest."
"We are going to eat you."
"And the winner is, whoever eats you best."
Jesse sighs. They allow him to sigh. They know he's trapped. "Am I going to die?" he asks.
"Not right away," comforts Lulu.
"Not even in the medium term," reassures Lala.
"The contest starts with a tug-of-war. We flip a coin to see who gets your head and who gets your feet."
"Then we see who can swallow you first."
"That one's a best of three, because sometimes it's easier to start with the head and sometimes it's easier to start with the feet."
"And that's the contest?" Jesse aks.
"Well, it's one round," Lulu shrugs.
"We technically don't have to do all three rounds, and you technically don't have to be the only volunteer for them either," explains Lala.
"Do I want to know what the other two rounds are?" Jesse tries to fight his compulsion to stay put. He can't.
"Probably not," Lala admits.
"Aw, don't you want to tell him anyway?" Lulu begs.
Lala laughs. "You bet I do! After tug-of-war, we do the sandwich round. Sometimes it's the pie or the cake round, but the idea's the same."
"It's my favorite!" interrupts Lulu.
"I know, sis, I know. See, Jesse, we put a gag in your mouth and you have to crawl inside a giant sandwich. Or a pie. Or a cake. Heck, even a quesadilla might work if we could get one. Then Lulu and I take turns taking bites out of the sandwich until one of us finds you. Then it's a race to see who can eat you first, one bite at a time."
"Oh, no, don't worry," Lulu says, patting Jesse's thigh. "You won't die. Trust us on this one. We have our tricks. Whenever you pass out, you'll wake up good as new and ready for the next round."
"Well, technically the sandwich game is also supposed to be a best of three, but Lulu's right," Lala says. "On to round three. This one's my favorite."
"Oh, she's so good at it, I'm jealous."
"Round three is freestyle. Each of us prepares you in a meal and eats you however we want. We get scored for flavor, originality, presentation, sexiness," Lala does a little shimmy and shake, "and how much we can make you scream."
"That one's not a best of three," Lulu chimes in.
"Right, one and done. And then we add up the points, and whoever wins, wins!"
Jesse's heart is racing and he wishes he'd chosen to be cooked alive in a deep fryer because then at least he wouldn't have to hear about it any more. "And ... um ... what ... what does the winner ... win?" he asks.
"Bragging rights, mainly," Lala says with a shrug.
"The joy of having eaten you all those times," Lulu volunteers.
"And what do I get?" Jesse asks. He immediately blushes. "I mean, you said something about tokens?"
"Oh right," Lulu says.
"Of course!" Lala chimes in.
"Yes, you'd get some tokens at the end. Three tokens for finishing tug-of-war, six tokens for finishing the sandwich game, a bonus token if you hide well enough that we can't get you in one round of the sandwich game (but that just means we do another game of it anyway), and nine tokens if you finish the freestyle round."
"So if I do the whole ... thing, I could get 18 tokens? And what do I do with those?"
"Prizes and games!" cheers Lulu.
Oh.
"And maybe some pants?" Lulu adds. "Or a skirt? But I really like your au naturel look, Jesse. It's sexy."
"I think we've done enough explaining," Lala says, producing a gigantic novelty coin from her bikini top. "Time for us to flip and see who gets his head and who gets his feet. Call it, sis!"
Lala flips the coin and Jesse watches as it tumbles and spins and decides which of these gigantic clown sisters is going to try to swallow him head-first while the other tries to swallow him feet-first. He wishes he could run, but their presence is holding him still. Lulu waits for the coin to reach its apex, then shouts "Heads! I want his head!"
The coin thuds onto the table like a small meteor. Jesse, Lulu, and Lala watch as it settles and stops spinning. How does it land?
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