"Well, Mister Wiltsead, can't say I'm all mispleased of someone with your...well, limitations," Within her drawl, I could hear an implication for every letter in that word, "and all things considered, I'm feelin' a lot more optimistic than I was an hour ago, but I'm still required ta ask - what made y'all wanna come this far for the position?"
Throughout the interview, I couldn't keep my mind focused between forcing a smile and absorbing her lengthy values, morals, and codes of conducts for the resort all at once. Even if they didn't have any faces, all the rooms accessories, the paintings hanging on the walls, the chandalier swaying from the ceiling, and even just the coffee mug, books, and stapler on her desk all seemed to be cast over with a shade that looked down on me with this judgemental edge. Even the chair before the desk, while not uncomfortable, felt unwelcoming as I cleanly sat in the crack of some invisible, yet leviathanic butt whose cheeks' imprint were still embedded in the cushion's leather, each crater as large as a mansion's front yard.
Just being alone in the room would've been unnerving, but I wasn't. At the desk's other side, without me even having to stand up, I could see what I couldn't believe wasn't some gigantic boulder that'd been carved out of the largest of mountains and, for whatever reason, painted white with continent-like brown spots, with some gigantic, large-breasted woman standing behind with her maroon suit hastily buttoned over it all. The only clue that she wasn't legitimately someindoor landmass was a constant wobbling that shook through her gargantuanly round figure any time she leaned over to grab whatever it was on a glass tray on the desk's corner, whether it be stacks of fudge, doughuts, cake, or even burgers, not one of them looking veggie.
But somehow, despite having one of the roundest, blubberiest heads I'd ever seen, Miss Holmes still had a face that looked like it'd been carved out of stone. Behind her tiny eyeglasses, her eyes narrowed, and I gave a tiny gulp.
"W-Well, i'd just always had a fascination for a work experience for Gaia 2.0, Miss Holmes!" My smile felt faker just by saying that. "I think in the future, picking up the traits of this job would help me out a lot in the long run, and I could see myself benefitting from the training for a long time!"
She took her glasses off, folding them onto her suit's lapel. "So what you're sayin' is, when you were on the way to my office, ya didn't have your face pressed against the monorail's windows to look fer celebrities? You were just walkin' down the street, headin' for some job interview?"
"...yes." I let out, giving a stiff nod.
Beneath all that pudge, the look on her face showed she was pecking the flesh clean off the bones of that claim, but she didn't say anything. She only folded her hands on her desk, looking down at her interlocked fingers. "Well, from where I stand, there's not much sayin' y'all can't come in, 'cept a few more hours of paperwork."
"That's very good to hear!" I said happily, genuinely feeling more relaxed. "Thanks for saying that, Miss Holmes!"
Still looking down, she raised a hand. "...but, there's still one last thing we've gotta understand."
"What's that?"
She slowly turned around and pushed herself forward, with all the loose little trinkets of her room rattling as her booming hoofsteps moved around the desk. Her stomach projected off of her so much that she couldn't even face me as she sidestepped towards the chair, giving a strained grunt as she bend down on one of her mountainous legs to grab one of the chair's arms.
...but she never came any lower. Instead, with one hand, she pulled the entire chair up off the floor, nearly shaking me off my perch on the very edge as it'd rose enough for her to hold the seat with her other. The stoic look on her face wasn't fazed as she felt the legs dig into the top slope of her belly's flesh, bringing me in so close that her snout was only a few feet from snapping down and swallowing me whole.
"This is a job." Her voice was chillingly calm and still, but still quaked the air enough to stiffen every pore on my body. "Yes, y'all're gonna have a few occasional days off ta run around in the resort. Yes, y'all're gonna meet, maybe chit chat with a few rare guests who could've written a single ya heard, but always, always remember that y'all're gonne be here for them. Not the other way around. Got it?"
"Okay." I squeaked, hugging my own legs.
"...and that ah expect y'all to appear where I want, when I want, and how I want y'all ta look, no questions asked, all liberties signed away. Got it?"
"...okay." I peeped, even quieter.
"So." She leaned in even closer, her eyes narrowing as she came in enough to feel the bathing warmth of her breath. "Before we go past the point of no return, this'll is your last chance ta turn around for a long time. Takin' everything into account, tell me honestly: are you sure you wanna do this?"
Her eyes didn't twitch away, not even blinking as she stared a stare that could've tunneled its way to the Earth's core. In that moment, all the walls of the office melted into some hazy void, and I could barely remember most of the job's details as I sat right int he center of her crosshairs.
...and in my daze, the first thing that came to ind was how much the plane ride'd cost. "Yes. Yes, I do."
She still lingered her sight on me, her lips pursing a little, but she then nodded. "Alright."
As gently as she'd picked it up, she'd lowered the chair back down on the floor. She loudly shuffled her way back to the desk, brushing a few papers away laid on top of a contract that she pushed towards me, the signature's space hanging over the lip of the desk. "Sign away, if that's the case."
The line was smaller than any of the contract's fine prints. A human-sized ballpoint pen was clipped to the very bottom, and not wanting to waste any more of her time to hesitate, I took it out and scribbled my name across in cursive. "...done."
She pulled the paper back, closely observing the microscopic signature. Folding it neatly, she slid the sheet into a slot on her desk, then gathered up all the other documents to square them up, stuffing them into an open drawer. "Welcome aboard, then."
"So, what now?"
She typed away a few words on her computer's keyboard, and the printer started whirring. "My assistant Mavis'll be here in a few. Just wait outside."
...and then, almost forgetting I was there, Miss Holmes quickly lost herself back into whatever paperwork she was getting ready. I hadn't even move out of my quasi fetal position until she took a pen from a coffe mug and clicked out the point, catching sight of me in the process.
"That means you can go."
"Uh huh...oh, right!"
My legs sprung back out, and I ran along the cushion to a set of rungs that were dug into the leg of the chair, trying not to look down as I grabbed the top one and let my body slide off, my foot luckily catching hold of one below. The room went back into the sounds of a keyboard being mercilessly pounded and a printer churning out a whole stream of papers as I climbed my way down, carefully taking a whole second with each step.
The very moment my foot hit the carpet, I burst out into a brisk run, heading straight for the skyscraping barnyard doors ahead.
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