On one hand, Kelly's Defense Bunker was arguably one of the coolest shops in the entirety of the resort, if not the. It was one of those clean and modern joints, decorated with the same kind of treatment you'd find in some sort of home gadgetry store, only the stands and shelves were lined with the fixings of a spy movie when you stepped in through the front doors. Ads stood at the aisles for night vision contact lenses or flesh-tone bulletproof vests, and when you walked past, you'd see wall to wall stacks of boxes that were casually labeled for blades designed to shoot out of your sleeves, stun guns disguised to blend with your palms, wallets rigged with knockout darts, and even chewing gum that doubled as smoke screens, all given the same courtesy as lame kitchenware you'd see on an infomercial.
"...and let's say you're not in the amazon! Let's say you're in the alleys of city, open to every knife and junkie itching to stab and steal!"
On the other hand...Kelly.
Heading towards her voice, I cleared past the corner to see a great big wall of dragon ass standing just two aisles away, firmly wedged between the shelves at either side of the walkway. A tail with bright yellow scales sprouted over the crack between the two great globes of her tremendous behind, sitting upon legs so massive that her clawed feet were just dainty little appendages poking out from underneath the indescribable weight of the scaly flesh resting above. All of which was padded by a super-sized pair of workpants that was nonetheless very snug around the joints, whilst the body above was only moderately (albeit unyieldingly) obese, her white dress shirt clearly conforming around the folds of her back beneath a head of very long, silver hair.
"It's how it always goes!" She continued. "You're walking home from the movie theater, all alone, maybe mom decides it's not the biggest risk to go down that one alleyway! Well, you go through, and so far, so good, it looks like you're just about in the clear, the exit is in sight..."
"Hey, Kelly, Miss Holmes said you needed some help wi-"
"...and WHAMMO!!!"
In one swift motion, Kelly's dislodged her butt from its prison as she spun around to face me, the tip of her tail coming pretty damn close to lobbing my head off as it swung past. I leapt back, landing assfirst on the floor, but Kelly didn't give me a chance to breath before she tossed a toy chainsaw up in the air and onto my lap.
"Ever the threat of many a street on the city, a chainsaw killer leaps out into the open, wearing the face of his dead cellmate!"
"...huh?" I gurgled out, the crowd murmuring to one another in surprised whispers.
Kelly stared at me through a brief pause, then gestured to me with a hurried look. "He's screaming! The sound of the chainsaw fills your ears, spreading sheer panic through your system!"
I stood up, the chainsaw falling off my lap. "Kelly, what the hell is going on!?"
"He's going insane!" Kelly gritted out. "He's scaring us! People's lives are in danger here!"
"Uh..." Looking down at the chainsaw, I bent over and picked it back up, shakily pointing it at Kelly's face.
"He's snarling like an animal!" Kelly describes, getting more exasperated with each sentence. "Heck, if he weren't a chainsaw killer, then he'd be an actor great enough to get into Gaia 2.0!"
"Oh, uh....hraaaargh!!! SNRRRK!!!!" I growled, forcing out an animalistic grimace.
"He's absolutely off his rocker! I can barely think over his screaming and the chainsaw!"
"SNYRAAAAAARGH!!!! HUUUUUUUURRRRKKKK!!!" I gnashed as loudly as I could, and more or less had a mental breakdown with the chainsaw, madly swinging it around by the handle.
At last, Kelly seemed satisfied as I madly danced around with the chainsaw, and smile back at her audience. "...and as I've covered in my book, 'Death by Nature: Survival in the Jungles of Tree and Concrete,' I'd covered multiple means of disabling a man with a chainsaw, but if you were in a pinch..."
Once again, Kelly swiftly spun around and swung her tail at me, and this time connected it with its target. The plastic chainsaw was totally obliterated, and my hand came pretty damn close to joining the shower of broken pieces that were thrown all over the floor at my side, leaving me startled and unarmed, right in the open.
"...and now that he is unarmed," Kelly continued, her fingers reaching into a pocket that was severely overstretched along her backside. After a moment's search, she drew her hand out and pointed its contents right at me, being a white plastic gun with a clear red visor over the barrel.
"Kelly, what the hell is that?!" I stammered, holding both hands up.
"...you have a number of ways to further disable him, to ensure he never brings harm to another moviegoing family, but today, I'd like to demonstrate for your viewing eyes, fresh on the shelves..."
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