Tom felt a little irritated. He knew that he wasn't the best at history, but it felt like the teacher was playing a cruel joke on him. Well, two could play at that game.
"American nuclear experiments in space during 1980 brought a series of irradiated cosmic meteorites to Earth," said Tom. "When they landed, a number of women started to develop superpowers, typically using them for good or for evil." He took a deep breath, studying Dr. Larson's impassive face. "The power development process tends to radically enhance a woman's assets, and as a rule these women don't like wearing much in the way of clothes."
"A...satisfactory answer," said Dr. Larson, shrugging. Tom stared at her, baffled.
"What? What are you talking about? Is this Superhuman History 101 or something?"
Dr. Larson blinked, very clearly taken aback. "Well, yes. That's why I said it's a satisfactory answer. Hopefully by the end of the class, you'll all have a broader base of knowledge. Unless you'd like me to quiz you more?"
Gears in Tom's head slowly clicked into place. Dr. Larson wasn't joking. Tom wasn't sure if she could tell a joke. Something else was afoot. Something that made him right all the time. He had a suspicion of what was happening, but he needed to be sure. "Alright, quiz me."
Dr. Larson nodded, "Well, alright. There are ten women with superhuman powers living within an hour's drive of campus. Name a few of them, and their relevance to the area."
Tom's mind raced, scrambling to think of some convincing-sounding lies. "Okay, well..." he began.
"There's Pheromona, she's a supervillain of some sort," said Tom, "She's got pheromones that make her super-alluring. She tends to lure men to her lair and warp their bodies with her weird hormone powers."
"Which is why if you go out at night, you should always travel with a straight woman or a gay man for a chaperone," said Dr. Larsen.
"There's Milk Maid, she's a hero with um. Breast-milk related powers. She's mostly in charge of street-level threats and does a good job, mostly, but she fills up really quickly the more she uses her powers, and sometimes demands that the people she saves milk her. There's Hourglass, she's got flight, superspeed, and the biggest ass among superheroines the country, and boobs second only to Milkmaid."
"Ahem."
"Sorry, Dr. Larson. Then uh...I guess there's Damnazon. She's kind of a wild-card. Her power revolves around growing. Like, she can grow a single part of her body or her entire body. She used to be in New York where she fought off kaiju attacks, but she's started stomping around here about a month ago."
Dr. Larson nodded. "Okay, I think that's enough. Now..."
Tom whispered under his breath. "And one will be showing up in 3...2...1..."
The class looked up as...
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