Darcy Lewis had once said that she would not be dying for six college credits.
The experiences of today were making her rethink how truthful that statement would end up being.
"I'm sorry." Darcy began. "Run this by me again. And assume I haven't been paying attention. Because I haven't."
Jane Foster rolled her eyes as she fiddled with her machines. "Thor and the other Asgardians travel across the galaxy using wormholes. And with all this alien tech that SHIELD has, we should be able to make a wormhole to reach Asgard ourselves."
Now it was Darcy's turn to roll her eyes as she massaged her temples. For a number of reasons. One, she still wasn't sure how three days with Thor had convinced Jane that the two were soulmates (powerful Asgardian pheromones?). Two, she really felt Jane should be applying her IQ to helping Erik Selvig with whatever Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. was up to. And third, she really didn't feel that Jane had thought this through.
"Ok Jane. Uh... we don't know where Asgard is."
But the astrophysicist was undeterred as she pulled out her pictures of Thor's arrival with the scribbles of the World Tree he'd done. "See these? Constellations. Asgard's constellations. And with Thor's explanation of how the Bifrost works, I'm fairly certain I've worked out roughly where Asgard is." She pointed to a spot on the other side of the galaxy on a map.
"And you plan to travel there with this... thing?" The machine, though calling it that was quite a stretch, hummed erratically, glowing with the blue energy of SHIELD's Tesseract.
"Well you and me."
Oh hell no. "Jane. Most of the galaxy is empty space. If you aim at a rough spot, chances are we're going to end up in space where we will freeze to death."
Jane laughed off these concerns as she grabbed her assistant and led her to the machine. "It'll be fine Darcy, trust me. This energy is conducive to opening Einstein-Rosen bridges-"
"Wormhole. Just say wormhole. You sound like a douchebag when you say that." Darcy mumbled.
"-I've crossed checked it with Reed Richards' work on cosmic rays, Franklin Hall's gravity studies and Hank Pym's studies on the Quantum Realm." Jane pressed on with a smile as the machine counted down for transport.
The snarky retort died on Darcy's tongue. "...Did you just say Pym?"
A flash of blue light cut off any response and warped the two across the galaxy.
----
Darcy Lewis was not dead. She would come to wish she was when she became aware of the situation she'd found herself in but she was not dead.
Coming to, she found herself trapped in total darkness. Whipping out her iPhone, she turned on the flashlight to see that she appeared to be in some sort of canyon, a strangely soft and reflective golden material beneath and all around her. And overhead there were no stars or moon. Yet there was warmth and oxygen.
"Darcy?" Jane's unwelcome voice asked from behind her. When they got back to Earth, Darcy was going to apply to Stark Industries. "Yeah over here."
"It worked." Jane smiled manically. "It really worked."
"Easy there. We have no idea where we are." Darcy said.
Before Jane could respond, the two felt a rumbling encroach on them, steadily getting louder. Without warning, the ground was suddenly ripped out from under the two Terrans as a bright light blinded them before a large shadow emerged.
"What the hell?" Darcy asked as her world spun.
"Isn't that the female Asgardian who came to rescue Thor?" Jane asked.
Darcy's eyes widened as she realized that the imposing figure was indeed one of the many alien visitors to Puente Antiguo. And she noticed two things. One that Sif was nude, likely having just emerged from a shower, and two... she was about three hundred feet tall. Maybe four hundred.
"How is she so big?" Jane pondered.
"Oh god. Pym Particles." Darcy realized. "You idiot! You shrunk us in your stupid crush quest."
"Well that's good. The Pym Particles have compressed our atoms, increasing our strength and density. We should have no worry about the Asgardians breaking us."
Darcy was going to kill Jane. But before she could wrap her hands around her boss, the two tiny humans felt Sif's shadow loom over them, her hands reaching down towards them as Darcy realized where the two had wound up.
Lady Sif's panty drawer.
"Run!" Jane said as the surface they were on was lifted up and suddenly down as Sif slipped her long legs into the undergarment.
What happened to the humans?
1) Neither Jane nor Darcy got away in time, winding up lodged between the Asgardian's invincible butt cheeks.
2) Jane slipped down Sif's leg, getting stuck beneath her still moist sole while Darcy falls head first into the Asgardian's vagina as she goes to sleep.
3) Darcy managed to slip onto Sif's long leg, trying to climb up the smooth flesh. Jane meanwhile is left gripping the outside of Sif's panties as the Goddess of War goes to sit down.
4) Both girls managed to jump away, leaving them at the mercy of the giantess' feet.
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