This choice: Judy pauses and reflects on her feelings about her weight, focussing on that. • Go Back... The seconds dragged on as the bunny fell silent, staring up at the plush goat.
"But?" Stephanie's question was barely more than a whisper.
Judy’s smile strained. "But… that's not really how I feel about it." She blinked. "Now, don't get me wrong, I'd be lying if I said I haven't enjoyed at least parts of the… uh…" Judy giggled. "Process of getting to my current size." She patted her tummy and it should not have felt so pleasant. She was practically bursting her belt! "I've gotten to explore all sorts of tastes I never knew I enjoyed before." It still boggled her how she had never even heard of sauteed carrots before she arrived in the city. "I've had so many fun times with my colleagues that I might have missed if I was hung up on the food." She smirked, still not sure how she managed to beat Woolfard in a drinking contest. "And… I've never been so close to my partner, exploring all his favourite nooks and crannies of this city." The smirk softened to a smile, paw still rubbing her gut.
It had been wonderful. Nick hadn't lied when he said he knew everyone in the city, and that meant he knew all the best restaurants and cafes, bistros and street-stands, bakeries and delis, and even a pawful of fast-food places that agreed with her farm-fed palette. A veggie bug-burga never went amiss! And because of his supreme talents, he could always call in a favour from them, or they would find a few extra pastries or a second side of creamy mash or something extra in their hamper as they toured the city, happily scarfing down their goodies as they took in the sights, toured the museums, strolled through the warmth and the chills and the damp of the biomes, or curled up in a blanket and absorbed all the culture she had missed growing up in the sticks, his paws never leaving her sides even as they grew wider and softer…
She snuffled. That fox had her so good.
She couldn't even stay mad at him when he had offered to rub her tum tum, just for his eyes to light up the moment she had flushed, and she had ordered him from the room cackling like a loon.
"And…" she sighed. "And I will admit that I have liked some of the changes." She grinned, at least a little ruefully. She'd never once had to up her brassieres before. And some of the shirts she now filled had been her big sisters'.
"But… definitely not all of them." Her paw instinctively brushed her belly. "I don't really feel pretty, or beautiful, or… or anything like that at this size." She licked her lips. "I feel… sweaty, and slow, and heavy and stumbling and… kinda… gross." Showering seemed to take so much longer nowadays… She gasped, glancing up at Stephanie. The goat stared back, impassive, her smile still present. "No offense!"
The goat grinned, shamelessly patting her stomach. "None taken." Judy struggled to keep her eyes on it as her innards squirmed with curiosity and so much guilt.
"I-I mean, like I said, you look amazing and you're obviously happy at your size, but I… can't be." Justy stiffened. "A-and I’m not!" No. She definitely, definitely was not. "I'm a cop. I've always wanted to make the world a better place and thought this would be the best way to do it, and now…" Judy dipped her head, biting her lips as she felt her second chin sag against her neck.
"I'm just so off. I'm more than three seconds down on my best hundred yards in training." Her eyes burned, ears doing the same to the memory of the Captain's tuts. "I can still lift as well as before, but… I just get so winded so gosh-darned quickly nowadays." She rubbed her side, the muscles somewhere underneath her doughy saddlebags still groaning at her. "The other week, I nearly lost a suspect because I only just made it over a fence and nearly puked my guts out when I did catch her! I'm…" She brushed her paw back across her front, finger snagging for a moment on the divot where the shirt sank into her navel. "I’m only just inside the uniform regulations because of how short I am: my shirt can barely stay tucked in, and I've been on the last notch of my belt for a month!" she cried, eyes stinging, though not as much as the raw flesh pressing into the buckle she aimed an accusatory finger at. It was it’s fault! "My knees and my paws are so sore at the end of my shifts now if I'm on foot, and if I'm driving I can feel myself straining to climb into the seat!"
Judy took in a heavy breath. Great. Now she was getting winded talking. She scowled. "And…" It broke as her eyes flooded for a moment and she blinked the warmth away. "And I know it shouldn’t matter, but I can feel the stares." Her voice hitched. "All the mammals who expected this tiny, trim little bunny cop only for this tubbo to show up instead." Judy stomped and hated herself for a moment as her pudge writhed and jiggled mockingly. "I feel like I'm living down to some stereotype! Of course, my colleagues have mostly been fine with it, cracking a few jokes here and there." She threw her arms out and her armour cupped her bust awfully. "Heck, they're the ones plying me with food half the time!" A scowl reformed as she shook her head. Maybe she should have said no at least once before? "And Nick has already been… Nick." A grin fought it's way through. She didn't want it to. And she hadn't really wanted to finish off his fries that afternoon, but she had done it anyway, too! "But I can see myself ticking down the physicals chart and I just feel like I'm failing even if I'm above the cut-line." She growled. "I haaate how people look at me when I'm on my break or having a snack," she groused, fists balling, "or the little snickers I hear when I exercise because I am still fitter than you, darn it!" Her head shook again and she desperately ignored the wobble beneath. And in her cheeks. "And!" A lone finger pointed up at the goat as her chest heaved. "And… my parents are saying how nice it is that I'm starting to settle down."
Finally, she let her face bury into her paws. Well, with how sweaty they were and how full her cheeks had become, it was something of a smoosh. Not that that stopped her from letting out a dark, deep wretch from the pit of her very being. How she had wanted to do so at the time, when she saw her mother's face glow through the screen and ask if someone had an announcement for her dear, old parents. But no. She'd had to swallow and grin and assure them that no, Mom, she hadn't quit the force, she was still very happy with her job, and her partner, but she was not quite there yet.
"Last week, I went to to a presentation at a school and had to stand in front of all those little kids," she murmured, blinking back the memories of those eager little eyes widening as the famous bunny cop practically waddled onto the stage, tummy first, chin doubling as she smiled and began her speech. She knew she shouldn't have gone for lunch first. Darn cake balls. "And the first thing any of them asked if I wanted my kits to be cops too."
Okay… they were kids. She sighed. They probably just asked that of any adult, or female, or… maybe it was because she was a rabbit. But who knew; maybe they had been talking abstractly? But their motherly ewe teacher who took her aside after the presentation, rubbed her belly and asked when she was due definitely wasn't.
"I was a little over thirteen pounds when I left the Academy. I checked last week and… now… I’m nearly twenty." The cruel lights seared into her mind's eye: 19.4. Nineteen-point-four pounds. Heck, she was probably near to twenty now with the lunch she'd had. She was sure her mother was only just over twenty… and she was a few inches taller, and bustier, and she had had over three-hundred kits. Judy blinked. She was probably fatter…
She let out a tingly, soggy chuckle: she had never been so massive and yet never felt so small.
"My dear?"
Judy coughed, blinking yet more heat away. "So… yeah." She tried to giggle and croaked. "Sorry for the ramble and for… what I said about being this large, but I've just… had a lot to think about these past few years, even on top of everything that's gone on.”
"Please don't, my dear," Stephanie said, her voice louder than before.
Judy looked up to find the goat crouching in front of her, smiling warming from just above her eye level. Her cheeks warmed again when she realised that she was about face-level with the ovine's bust, each larger than her head even with her new chin.
"My words were an attempt to soothe and encourage, not convince." Stephanie huffed, smile tweaking to a grin. "Well, except for the efficacy of my wares." She pulled the orange-flecked collar from her waistline, coughing as she had to force her hoof into the pocket held narrow by her bounteous middle, and pressed it into Judy’s paw. "I may be comfortable at this size, but it is not for me to say this for you; merely to remind you that some are not unappreciative of your additions." Stephanie nodded, chancing a wink. "Only you know your own feelings about yourself and only you can act on them accordingly."
There it was again. That sincere, earnest, warmth flooding her chest. No, it wasn't going to make her forget just how badly she had let herself go, or how much of a rut she had been in without realising, but… it was something. Nice to have kind words from someone she didn't know.
She smiled. "Thanks… I needed that."
Stephanie returned it. "And I hope that my collars can help you with your goals."
Oh… yes… Judy ran her paws against the fabric. Those.
1) It's crazy, but… she actually believes they will work. She has nothing to lose, anyway.
2) Pfff… It is crazy. She likes Stephanie, and the collar, so she will keep hold of them, but… just no way.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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