The sound of the fart had come from inside Erik’s cell, but it definitely wasn’t him. Someone - or worse, something - was in there with him, and immediately upon this realization, Erik turned to quickly examine the rest of the area behind him. After a few seconds of hurriedly scanning his eyes across the back end of the cell, he noticed something rather unusual.
Sat nestled in the furthest corner of the room, back against the wall, was a young woman in a slightly tattered dress, and the glint of a tiara placed next to them. The woman’s face was relaxed and her eyes closed, leading Erik to believe she was asleep.
Wait, was that fart—?
Before Erik could finish his thought, another long fart came from the woman, the gown of her dress fluttering all the while.
BBBBBBRRRRRrrrrrrraaaaaaappppphhhhh…
Erik kept his nose and mouth covered so as to avoid the stench as best he could, but his gaze was still stuck on the woman. He was surprised that she was as flatulent as she was.
She seems to be a princess, he said to himself. I’m surprised she’s so… well, boisterous. A thought occurred to him. Then again, she is asleep, and probably doesn’t even realize I’m in here with her. An epiphany struck him. Wait. Oh goodness! How long has she been here?!
Erik quickly walked over to the princess as he proceeded to remove one of his hands from his face and placed it on the woman’s shoulder. As he gently shook her awake, he said through his other hand, “Hello? Excuse me…”
The woman’s eyes slowly opened up, and she blinked twice as if to clear her vision. As she turned to face Erik, her eyes widened slightly, surprised at his presence.
“Oh…!” She nearly gasped. “When—…Who are you? When did you get here?”
Erik, voice muffled from his hand still covering his mouth, replied, “I just woke up here a few moments ago. I noticed you resting back here. I actually wanted to ask you the same thing. Do you know where we are?”
The woman sighed, and shook her head. “I wish I did. In fact, I wished you were the one sent here to rescue me. But it seems as though you’ve been thrown in here just as I have. Trapped, waiting for a hero to come and save the day.”
“Rescue?” Erik was a bit perplexed. “You said someone is going to rescue you?”
She nearly scoffed. “I would assume as much. My father couldn’t sleep soundly otherwise. Probably can’t sleep soundly now, come to think of it.”
“…Who is your father?” Erik asked.
The woman gave Erik a raised eyebrow before answering. “My father, King Merrifall. The King of Esteri.”
The King of Esteri is this girl’s father? Then that makes her… a princess! Erik couldn’t believe what he had stumbled upon.
“…Why are you covering your face?” The apparent princess asked him.
“Oh, erm…” Erik, removing his hand from her shoulder and returning it to its place back on his face, replied by saying, “I hope you don’t think me rude telling you this, your highness, but… you were passing gas in your sleep.”
The princess raised both eyebrows. “Oh right, of course. That makes sense. Is that what woke you up before?”
Erik, surprised by her candid response, only shook his head and told her, “No no. I woke up on my own. I had noticed you after the fact, after you had, uh… broken wind.”
She gave him a strange look. “…You know you can just say you heard me farting in my sleep, right?”
Erik blinked twice, even more surprised than before. Not often he heard such a crude word come out of a princess’ mouth.
“Anyway, my apologies for the smell,” she continued. “I must have been stinking up this little corner for… well, I don’t actually know how long. I can’t even tell if it’s day or night while I’m in here.”
“That makes two of us,” Erik replied. He then stood up straight. “Who captured you? The bandits?”
She looked up at him somewhat confused. “What bandits?”
“When I came here to Esteri, I was attacked by bandits at the border, when they… uhm, knocked me out.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe it was bandits. Besides, what bandits would hide out in some cave?”
“Good point,” Erik agreed. “Then who?”
The princess paused for a moment. “I wish I knew. Last thing I remember was being woken up by the sound of an intruder stepping to my bedside and nothing else. It was in the middle of the night, and it was dark. Too dark to make out anything.”
She proceeded to stand up herself, letting slip yet another fart in the process.
Brrrrappphh…
As she straightened her hair with both of her hands, she noticed that she had forgotten to put her tiara back on. She then bent down to pick it up off the ground, farting once again.
Brrrrrrrpppppppppphhhtt…
Erik was wincing at this point. Goodness, what did she eat?!
After putting the tiara neatly on her head, the princess noticed the expression on Erik’s face. “…Is something the matter?”
“Did you eat something strange? You’re, um, farting an awful lot.”
The princess nearly chuckled. “This is a lot to you?”
Erik was only more confused.
The princess then stepped over to the bars, looking out past them as if hoping to see if anything else would emerge from the darkness within the cave system. After a few seconds of staring through the gaps in her cell, she turned her back on the bars and leaned against them. With her now positioned closer to the lone torch illuminating the dark space, Erik took closer notice of the woman he had just met.
The princess had straight, auburn hair that went down just past her shoulders, topped with a small silver tiara. Her face was soft and clean, coupled with round green eyes. Her dress was a pale green gown that matched her eyes exceptionally well. Despite her rather casual personality, her appearance gave the impression of a truly beautiful member of royalty.
Somewhat awestruck, Erik had decided it would be best to introduce himself. He stepped closer towards the princess and slowly let his hands down from his face, bracing himself for the smell that hung over the cell. Even as he cringed, managed to clear his throat.
“*ahem* Ah, it occurs to me that I never introduced myself. My name is Erik, Erik Leif.” He then took a small bow.
The princess couldn’t help but chuckle. “Nice to meet you, Erik Leif. My name is Meredith. Meredith Merrifall. But you can just call me Merry.”
“M-Merry?” Erik suddenly tensed up. “I-I’m not sure I should be so informal—“
“We’re both stuck deep within a cave. Hardly matters if you’re formal with me or not.”
Erik paused. “Um… I suppose that’s true. Then, in that case… Merry, you can call me Erik.”
“Nice to meet you, Erik.” Merry then extended her hand out towards the adventurer, who stared at it as though it was somehow the strangest thing he had seen it.
After some deliberation, he took his own hand and shook Merry’s, having now formally become acquainted with the princess.
This is bizarre, Erik thought. She isn’t at all how I imagine a princess to be.
As she retracted her hand, Merry let out a small sigh. “I had just wished I could have met you under better circumstances…”
“I-I agree,” Erik replied, snapping back to the reality of their situation. “Well… standing her not doing anything about it isn’t going to help.”
Kerry crossed her arms. “Do you have any idea as to how we can get out of here?”
Erik put a hand to his chin, subtly stroking it as he assumed a thoughtful expression. “Not right now… but, I’ve gotten out of stickier situations than this.”
“You have?” Merry’s interest was piqued.
“I can explain later, right now we need to prioritize finding a way out. You’ve been here longer than I have. Notice anything?”
“…Well…” Merry said. “I did have one idea. With you here, we might just be able to make this work.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“The door,” she answered as she pointed at it. “We can’t open it normally, and we don’t have a key, or even a lockpick. Whoever is keeping us here made sure of that. But, we may still be able to get past it.”
Erik raised an eyebrow. “How?”
“If I press up right up against it, and you pull my finger, I should be able to blow it wide open with a strong fart.”
Erik just stared. “…Wait. That’s your plan?”
“You got it.”
“… That’s absurd,” Erik said flatly.
“What do you mean?”
“Princess—er, Meredith—Ah, Merry!” Erik stammered. “It’s a fart. There’s no way you can get it open with just that.”
Merry furrowed her brow slightly. “Of course I can. What makes you think I can’t?”
“There just has to be a better idea than that,” Erik deflected.
“How do you know it won’t work if we don’t even try it?”
This is ridiculous, Erik thought. Why does she think this could ever work? Is she seriously expecting this to play out like she says it will, or is she just that desperate?
Erik’s train of thought continued. Then again, it’s so obvious that it won’t work that I might as well humor her. Once we try and it fails, she can then listen to my plan. Or I can just tell her my plan now and maybe she’ll like it more anyway.
“Well?” Merry asked. “Do you want to do this, or do you have a better idea?”
Erik thought it over some more, and eventually decided to—
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