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by Clide Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ · Interactive · Fantasy · #2261964
Get ready for an adventure full of magic, fantasy, and a whole lot of farting!
This choice: --Accept the Blessing (Erik becomes gassy)  •  Go Back...
Chapter #4

Erik Leif the Flatulent

    by: Clide Author IconMail Icon
After several long seconds of silent deliberation, Erik let out a long, defeated sigh.

Geez... he said to himself. I can't believe I'm doing this, but...

"Well, weird voice," Erik answered, "I have considered it. I suppose it would be rude to refuse such an offer."

"Your acceptance is much appreciated, Erik Leif of Man," the voice replied. "Now, drink a handful of the milk, and you will bestowed with the powers granted by the Element of Wind."

Erik looked down at the milk spring before him, and couldn't help but gulp. This is ridiculous... he thought.

Erik took a few steps up towards the edge of the spring, and knelt down on both knees. The milk was so clean and fresh, that Erik couldn't deny how delicious it appeared to be. At the very least, this milk would hopefully prove most refreshing.

Erik bent over slightly and dipped both of his hands into the spring of milk. The milk was cold, like it had been masterfully preserved. Erik cupped down his hands together and raised them both out from beneath the surface of the milk in the spring. In his hands was a full handful of milk, and without much hesitation, Erik drank it all from his bare hands. He did so slowly, as to savor the rich taste and creamy texture. His eyes did not deceive him - this milk was easily the finest Erik had ever drank in his life. Perhaps it was fitting that the first words to cross his mind upon drinking it was "it tastes like a dream."

After finishing the milk, Erik wiped both hands on his vest, drying them as best he could. He then looked up to the sky where he assumed the voice was present and asked, "Thank you for this - it was truly delicious."

"No, Erik Leif of Man," the voice replied. "Thank you for accepting this responsibility. We here in the Dreamscape thank you for your honorable dedication to such a noble cause."

Erik never sensed any deceit in the voice since he had arrived in the Dreamscape, but it was still strange to hear this disembodied entity speak about this quest as though it was some epic journey... when really, it was all about farting.

Erik then asked, "So... what now?"

"Now... may you Wake..."

Suddenly, Erik felt dazed, as his vision blurred, and his balance went off. As Erik tried to stand up, he found himself stumbling straight into the milk spring. Erik didn't even hear the splash - all he could process was his vision becoming a blurry bright white, as all he could see was milk all the way down the spring's depths.

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Then, suddenly, Erik awoke once again - laying flat on his back like before, but now, he was back in the world he recognized. Blue skies, green grass, and that dreamlike atmosphere was absent. It certainly felt as though Erik woke up from a dream.

After a few seconds, Erik sat up to further take in his surroundings - what he saw was a scattered collection of bags full of random supplies and knick-knacks. Horse and wagon tracks were clearly visible on the ground around him, and the only one there was himself. Erik was back at the border of Esteri, where he had been knocked out by the bandits. It didn't take long for him to realize that they got away with the rest of the caravan he had arrived with.

Erik checked his person, and found all the food and coin he came into Esteri with taken. All his clothes were still there, and thankfully, it seemed the bandits did not realize that he was armed, since his trusty dagger was still with him. Though his buckler shield was gone.

Well, I guess it could have been worse... Erik thought to himself. Those thugs could have stripped me completely naked if they wanted. Honestly wouldn't put it past those foul bastards.

Just then, Erik passed gas.

Brrrrrrrppppphhh...

Erik looked over his shoulder and down his back, as if he was trying to look at his butt. Huh, he said to himself. Must have been holding that one in--

Brrrrrrrraaaaaaaa...

Erik's own gas cut off his train of thought. Erik wasn't normally such a flatulent fellow.

"What the...?" he said aloud. "That's weird... why am I so--?"

Brrrrrrpppphhhttt...

While the third was no more bigger, louder, or longer than his previous two, the fact that he had farted three times in a row caught Erik off-guard.

"Geez, what did I eat?" he asked himself. "Or... drink?"

Erik suddenly stood up on his feet as he realized, Wait, that's right! The dream! I had milk in the dream, and it was supposed to make me gassy! ...Wait, so does that mean it was real?

Erik couldn't quite put his thoughts and feelings into words, but he was certain that there was something different about his gas now that he had woken up. It was like a subconscious feeling deep within him. While they seemed ordinary, Erik somehow knew that his farts weren't exactly "normal" anymore.

Brrphh...

Erik waved his hand in front of his butt and groaned. "Man, that's gonna get annoying..."

He tried to recollect his thoughts. What else happened in that dream? He asked himself. There was... some sort of voice telling me about some sort of... did it call it a "sickness?"

Erik then shook his head. "Argh, that doesn't matter... what matters now is that I get out of here."

Erik scavenged his immediate area and searched for anything he felt might be useful. While there wasn't much among the leftovers of the bandit raid, Erik found enough for him to carry - about nine loose coins and a handful of half-eaten food. If Erik was smart, he could last about a day and a half with this before he would need to find civilization.

"Alright, step one," he told himself, "follow these tracks. I gotta get some payback for what those bandits did to me! More importantly, see if the rest of the caravan is alright..."

Without further ado, Erik walked along the path set out for him by the tracks, occasionally passing gas long the way.

Brrrpphh...
Braaaappp...


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Several hours later, Erik was still walking, as he followed the tracks. The sun had since been setting, and daylight was fading into nightfall. Erik knew from his experience that it would be best to find camp, then get some rest.

While he could not find a proper tent among the scattered remains of the caravan, he was able to find just enough wood to get a small fire going and a sleeping bag. It would have to do, as Erik wasn't left with many other choices.

Erik set his bag down on the ground in front of him and began unpacking. All the while, he broke some more wind.

Brrraaaaaaappphhh...

Erik didn't pay it much mind. Erik was not constantly farting during his walk. In fact, this was the first time he had actually farted in about two hours. The gas, such as it was, seemed to hit Erik in small waves at a time. Erik was mostly annoyed, but didn't care much, since he was alone. If the sound and smell was going to bother anybody, it'd be him.

Brp...

"Huh, that was a small one," Erik said.

As he was setting the firewood, Erik began thinking back to what happened in his dream.

I don't understand... how would making me fart more have to do with anything? Like... sure, I'm gassy now, but that's sort of it. Hardly what I would call an upgrade or blessing.

As confused and annoyed as Erik was with farting as much as he ever had in his life, his newfound gas wasn't exactly discomforting. Erik felt somewhat bloated to be certain, but it proved to be more of an annoyance to him rather than an inconvenience.

Finally, as Erik finished setting up the firewood and lit it aflame, he turned his back to the small fireplace to unpack his sleeping bag. Little did he know what turning his back would do.

BRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPP!

Erik was shocked at the size behind his fart. It was easily the largest fart he ever had in his life. When he looked behind himself, he saw that the fireplace he had just lit was now fully aflame.

Erik tilted his head in admitted embarrassment. "Huh... That's... that's sort of helpful, actually..."

Erik put one of his hands on his butt. "OK, this might be a little stronger than I thought."

Erik then stood up and unrolled his sleeping bag, placing it a safe enough distance from the fireplace, so as to keep Erik as warm as possible. Shortly after Erik nestled himself in his sleeping bag, he realized something a little too late.

Brrrrr-Brrrrrrppphhhht!

Erik's gas was likely going to fill the sleeping bag in his sleep, whether he liked it or not. Erik pinched his nose and winced.

"Oh, geez..." he said. "Ugh... whatever. Hopefully I can still get some sleep."

As Erik lay in his sleeping bag, staring at at the fireplace, he added, "Wish I could control this a little more... ugh, maybe tomorrow..."

Soon, Erik fell asleep next to the fireplace, occasionally breaking more wind in his sleeping bag all the while.

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When Erik woke up the following morning--
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