You awaken to find yourself looking down at the bum. You expect to feel pain in your nose, where that squat bitch decked you, but there is none. Then it hits home: there are no repercussions for your actions!
"Score," you say, a big grin on your face.
Another cop, apparently your partner, looked up at you with a surprised look on her pretty face, "Yeah, this is probably our biggest bust of the week: a dirty old bum who gets beaten up at a playground."
You smiled down at her. You generally liked smart-ass remarks, especially when you were giving them. When a beautiful woman was a smart-ass, well, that was pretty cool too.
Wow. You just noticed how big you were. You were used to being about 5'10", 175, but this cop was massive. The body you now occupied was at least 6'7", 260 lbs! "I'm enormous!"
Your partner's face went a fancy shade of ash. You thought you could read her mind and wondered if she thought you meant, "SEXUALLY enormous?" You also wondered why she might think such things? Was there some kind of history between the lovely Officer (what did her badge say?) Oash and... you looked down at your own badge... Burrick?
Wait. Burrick? You smiled as you remembered that your dad went to school with a guy named Ken Burrick. Ken was a killer football player in high school, but got kicked off the team because he was rumored to be gay.
You laughed really loud, bent over, and slapped your thighs, "I'm a fag!"
This time, Officer Oash's jaw almost dropped to her chest, "Burrick, have you been smoking the evidence or something?"
That was funny, and you gave a giant whoop, "Oash, I'd kiss you but I've just had my lips around some dude's meatrocket so that would probably freak you out!"
Her face was aghast, as were the faces of the bystanders. To lighten the situation, you put your hands over your head and did a clumsy pirouette in front of the police cruiser. It was getting dark, and the headlights were on. You cast a long shadow down the road.
Oash grabbed you and growled, "What the hell is WRONG with you, Burrick?"
"I'm gay."
"And?"
"And nothing. I just think it's funny."
"Since when? You've never liked to talk about it before. What's gotten into you?"
"A 17 year-old boy."
Oash's face blanched as if she were going to vomit.
"No, no! I don't mean sexually. I just mean, I have a different outlook for now. Maybe in a couple hours I'll be the same uptight guy you've come to resent..."
"I don't resent you..."
"But for right now," you kept going, "I've got important things to do. Can I have the keys to the car?"
Oash spoke as if trying to converse with a child, "You drove here, Burrick, you've got the keys."
You snatched them from your pocket and held them aloft, "I am a man of power!"
Oash mumbled something about a powerful moron, then said, "What are you doing? We can't leave the scene."
You put the keys into the ignition, "The paramedics are here. The old dude will be okay." The powerful engine fired to life. A shiver of excitement passed up your spine; you had never driven this many horses before.
Oash's shoulders slumped as she repeated the words you had just spoken, "'Old dude?'"
"Come on, get in!"
With Oash in the passenger seat, you squealed the tires as you put the accelerator to the floor, "Rear wheel drive, cool!"
You pressed down a little more on the gas pedal, "Oh, the BALLS on this thing!"
Oash looked at you, the slightest signs of fear present in her face, "Burrick, let me drive."
You didn't hear over the roar of the massive, supercharged V8, "Whoo! You wanna see what happens if I yank the E-brake?"
"I will shoot you if you do."
Right, right. You were a cop for just a couple of minutes and already the power rush was making you dizzy. You had to find that had; stop having fun with someone else's body!
"All right. Sorry," you eased back on the gas, "Can you do me a favor?"
Oash didn't look very willing to do anything for big ol' Officer Burrick at the moment.
"I'm really sorry; I just got excited back there. What a rush, you know?"
Now her face was puzzled, "You got excited... over a bum?"
You shrugged, "Small town crime."
Oash smiled. God damn she was beautiful, "You sure are weird tonight, Burrick."
"Crazy night."
"Or something. What do you need?"
"I'm hoping to find somebody on that computer."
Oash swiveled the screen so she could see and put her fingers on the home keys of the keyboard, "Who?"
You shook your head, "Don't know her name. Old lady; probably homeless. Last seen last night on Whales St. Witnesses say there was some kind of near hit-and-run."
"I didn't hear anything about this. Witnesses?"
"Uh... sources, snitches. I've got my ways."
One eyebrow went way up as Oash eyed you skeptically, "You?" She laughed, a deep and hearty guffaw that caught your full attention. You may have been inside a 40-something gay man, but your teenaged brain wanted to strip her down and remove her panties with your teeth.
Oash still chuckled a little, "You are full of surprises tonight, Burrick."
You could feel your penis stir in your lap as you thought, You don't know the half of it, lady.
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