Zor Ztan, leader of the Second Zyzyx Invasion Force, adjusted the vocus on the giant viewscreen in the officer's lounge. "There she is, boys - Earth!"
A collective "Oooooo..." rose up from the Zyzyxian officers. Many ruffled their frills and one junior lieutenant's ear ridges flushed a bright cerulean blue.
Zor Ztan let the reaction die down, then made the announcement they all were waiting for: "The shrinking machine has been reinstalled on what is now the fifth planet."
The officers dipped their frills in approval. Thanks to the First Zyzyxian Invasion Force, the original fifth planet was now in a million pieces. The Second Invasion Force was dedicated to success. The shame of the First Invasion could then be buried in the great Hall of Memory on the home planet - Zyxizaria.
Zor Ztan adjusted the horizontal position control on the viewscreen and the view shifted from the green and blue third planet to the banded clouds of the fifth planet. "You see that giant red spot? That's where the shrinker has been installed. It will be a slow process, but this solar system will eventually be shrunk out of existence."
A junior officer, the same one that had flushed blue, piped up with an impertinent question. "What about the earthlings? Will they not notice?"
Zor Ztan's frill rippled with annoyance at the interruption in the smooth flow of his presentation. "We have determined the earthlings will have enough intelligence to rationalize their experience. They will not believe that they are shrinking. They will develop a theory that the rest of the universe is expanding."
"But that's preposterous!" said the junior officer. "Why would they believe the entire universe was growing bigger when it would be so much simpler to assume they were shrinking?"
Zor Ztan was more than just annoyed now; his frill went rigid with anger.
The junior officer's flush changed from the blue of curiosity to the deep purple of anxiety. Angering Zor Ztan was not the way to get a promotion in rank. He bowed to Zor Ztan and said "I respectfully withdraw my remarks, honored Sir."
Zor Ztan's frill relaxed and refolded itself neatly around his neck. "Your remarks have been deleted from the record. Now let's discuss plans for our return voyage to Zyxizaria. We have decided to take one of earth's two moons with us. Undoubtedly, when they develop astronomy, they will find it puzzling that they are the only planet in their solar system with only one moon. But that will be a small puzzle compared to the "expanding" universe! Haz haz haz haz!"
And the assembled officers laughed with Zor Ztan "Haz haz haz haz!"
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