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Review #3206243
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The purpose of this Review is to go over things in your poem like word usage, structure, added imagery, formatting and emotions or feelings of the piece.


Word Usage:
I think the words chosen were great, the meaning behind them excellent, but the way you arraigned them needs a little work. The flow is off a bit. The poem read very choppy. I thinking omitting someone of the filler words, and streamlining the others will help get your message across in a even more beautiful way.

Structure:
You are using a rhyme scheme of aabbaabb. It was a good job. I am worried that some of the rhymes may have been put there just to keep the rhyme. This is only in a couple of places, but in those places the lines could have been read smoother if the rhyming words were not placed at the end because you HAD to place them there.

Do you have a few freckles or a varicose vein?

Don't be ashamed, you can live through the pain.
This is one example. I love the first line, but freckles do not cause you pain.


Emotions/Feelings:
I loved the idea behind this poem. I am wondering if you did not change it to free verse and just let the message speak for itself without trying to rhyme, if the message of accepting yourself would not be clearer and cleaner.

Don't be afraid to add cheese in your diet,

if you gain a few pounds, shout it out, don't keep quiet.

I love this message. The flow is just a bit off though. again, I would consider trying this as a free verse.



Overall Impression:
I love the message of accepting ourselves as we are and even rejoicing in those things we may not like....


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