Hi broadwaysoap!  I’m reviewing your story because you posted it in our group, "Absolute Horror Rate 'n' Review Requests" 

Overall Impression:
I really enjoyed this short horror story. I thought something was up, but I didn’t guess the ending before you revealed it. Even the blurb is delightfully misleading. I thought you did a very good job describing the main character, her feelings, and her motivation at the end. The dialog was very good; it flowed and felt natural. There were only a few places where I felt the story might be improved – I’ve detailed those below. Overall, great job!

My favorite lines:

Never again would she look into those eyes or caress that face. They had been stolen from her. Stolen.

The Hook:
Angela sat, staring at the casket in which her husband rested. She had always hated cliche, but he really did look peaceful, like he was sleeping. It was a far cry from the bloody, murdered mess she had seen only days before. She was glad that none of the other mourners had to see him that way.

This is a very good hook. The main character is introduced right away, she’s in a distinct location, and is doing something interesting. The word choice of “bloody, murdered mess” lets the reader know what to expect from the story; it also raised questions and increases the tension level. Readers will be encouraged to continue.

Correction:
She had always hated cliche, but he really did look peaceful, like he was sleeping.
She hated cliches, but he really did look peaceful, like he was sleeping.

Characters:
You did a great job with the main character. I completely identified with her emotions, and you expressed her horror and the pain of her loss well. You made her sympathetic, which made the ending even more surprising. The other character, Patty, was also well-written and reacted in an understandable way.

Descriptions:
There were some good descriptions in this story. I liked the word choices of: casket, trance, bowed, and ripped. This was a good description of Patty’s movement:
Patty approached the box as if it were a time bomb.
The scenes were easy to visualize because you used lifelike actions to describe the characters.
I think you missed an oportunity to utilize smell. What did the funeral home smell like? And when Patty walked into the kitchen, did the slight smell of decay warn her that something was wrong, or did she think that Angela hadn't cleaned recently?

Suggestions:

You wrote:
Angela brought her into the kitchen where a small box waited on the table.
And later, you wrote:
The box plummeted to the floor, its bloody contents splashing in all directions. In the middle of the mess lay the heart that had once been in Jack's chest.
I pictured a ‘small box’, like a jewelry-sized box – not big enough to hold a heart, so that made the ending problematic for me. One of the most important things about horror is to write the impossible as realistically as you can. I was also taken aback by the word ‘splashing’. If the body was in the funeral already, she must have killed him three or four days before (you wrote ‘days before’). The blood would be congealed and dry, and the heart would be jelly-like. I suggest you change the description of the box and make the splashing more thwacking (or plopping) as the severed heart hits the floor. It can roll across the floor making wet, squishy noises and leave a trail of gore or blood.

Corrections:
(Punctuation corrections follow American writing rules, not British.)

Angela's gaze drifted back to the casket. She was fixated once more on Jack's features.
Angela's gaze drifted back to the casket and fixated once more on Jack's features.

"My Mine and Jack's relationship was... not so great toward the end."
– Or try: My relationship with Jack; or: Jack’s and my relationship.

LJPC - the tortoise Check out these great groups:
"Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" 
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .