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Chapeau, Miss Eliane. This was a wholly entertaining read and a nice take on a complicated subject.

It showed immediately that Kali feels uncomfortable. She hates it that her best friend tries to "sell" her to her wrong chosen matches, but she likes Cassie too much to tell her to stop. She feels that Cassie has the best intentions and it would be shabby to snap at her for it.

The episode at the restaurant and especially Sean are... well, this is a public review. Abysmal, you could call it. Even if you're disappointed you don't tell your opposite and even less what are your plans for the rest of the evening.

Although Kali plays the furious and cool one, it hurts her deeply and it's understandable. After so many painful failures. Her self-confidence is crumbling to nothing and insecurity and growing despair flaring and it mirrors in her following conversation with Cassie.

She can't believe that Cassie doesn't give her break. Yet she can't resist her pleading and just seems to give in to her fate.

She appears almost suspicious, not only because of Brian's spleen (as she considers it), but because he's so nice to her.

Here the reader already gets the idea when Kali is still a bit confused why, although he's an adult and very accomodating, he also seems to be a bit helpless. When he enlightens her (sorry, couldn't resist ) she wants nothing more than to kick herself. Now she has become the rude one and she doesn't really know how to act towards Brian.

His easiness and humor and also his boldness concerning his little flaw not only help her to relax and open up, but also underline his charming character. It's hard to not withdraw, also not for Kali. As the saying goes: all good things come by in fourths.


There were a few things where Kali sounded quite... girly and not like an adult her age. It's nothing bad, just some things to consider.

First: in a place called La Pierre, female servants aren't referred to as girls, but indeed as waitresses or servants, since they work in often quite noble etablissements, eh, locations.

Two: Also the respective waitress wouldn't greet guests with howdy, even when being from the South, when she wants to keep her job. (French can be very thin-skinned and are pissed easily; I'm friends with one )

Some formulations I stumbled over:

1) "You can feel free to leave now!" => That souds too official to be an angry retort.
Let her be as rude as him! What about: "Then leave! (I won't withhold you.)"

2) "Is everything okay?" => Remember the location. The waitress would rather ask if everything is alright or to her guest's liking.

3) ... a nervous smile plastered to my face. => isn't it rather: on my face?

4) It's the same girl from before. => "before" seems rather misplaced because it implies that the action "before" occurred only shortly before.

What about: It's the same waitress as last time / yesterday.

5) ... not tasteful to go on two dates in one week in the south". "South" is written with capital "s" since it's a geographical region.

Oh, and "Pierre" is a word, the French version of "Peter" or the French word for "rock".

Okay, I'll stop before I'm losing all your sympathy. Sometimes just my alter ego - the rotten little nit-picker - shows its ugly face.

I truly enjoyed this read and only want to help making it better. Thanks for sharing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .