Hello Grampa D,

I enjoyed this little story quite a bit and there towards the end I think my heart actually started racing as I really got into the action.

There are a couple of things that gave me reason to pause and momentarily distracted me pulling me out of the story. One I think the pace of this story could be tweaked some. I think you spent just a tad too much time on the evening stirrings before and as the Margay is leaving her den.

Also, and this is just my opinion of course, but I think you go into too much specificity in paragraph three when you describe step by step her actions. The 180 degrees and head first descent followed by dangling one foot a few feet above all of these specifics start to sound like a zoologist's chronicling observations and not a natural flow of events. In other words it makes the reader aware of the telling not just showing them what is happening.

Think in terms of what the animal is feeling not what it is actually doing. Show the reader how the cat's eyes narrow and claws extend breathing increases or decreases that is what makes it believable not angle of descent or whatnot. I want to know what the cat is experiencing or thinking not the mechanics of what it is doing.

My favorite part is this:


That simple line, "Too late!" conveys emotional sentiment and gets me excited. I want more of that.

Anyway, I hope you find this review somewhat helpful and not overly harsh. It is never my intention to offend only to give an honest review. Overall, I enjoyed your story very much. I just think it could use a little polish. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .



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