Hello Tim Chiu,

I like the idea of this poem but I find it confusing. I think it needs some direction because I feel you go off topic for half the poem.

In the information line and for half of the poem you talk about children being bullied in school which is a very admiral subject. But the beginning of your poem centers on the US economy for the first three lines. I don't personally find this detracts from the real importance of the poem which is bullying.

Now you touch base again on the subject of the economy at the end of the poem I don't think it is necessary and find it distracting.

This is just my opinion of course but I would break this up into two separate poems one about bullies and one about the US economy and leadership.

I agree with everything you say and I think you make your sentiments clear and state them quite eloquently. I just think you need to focus on one topic at a time.

I hope you find this review somewhat helpful and not overly harsh. It is never my intention to offend only to give honest and constructive reviews. Thank you for sharing and I hope to read more from you in the future.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .



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