Hello yacolt,

Well this is certainly dark if that is all you are going for you achieved that nicely. There are very few subjects are disturbing as suicide.

The reason this is so dark is because of the finality of it. The author makes it clear there is no hope of turning back or changing their mind.

I have a few suggestions for the first stanza that you may or may not care for but in my opinion it makes it more active and less of a passive voice. I would write it like this:





I am no expert and honestly know next to nothing about poetry but it just sounds better that way to me. It is your poem of course so you decide. :)

Overall, I like your poem very much but I have always been partial to dark emotional writing. I have been told I am too morbid though so keep that in mind. I enjoyed the piece and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .



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