Hello Kaelhyn,

Wow, what a great story. I was really into it. I like that your zombies are not the typical mindless corpses lumbering around screaming for brains. It's refreshing to have something different even if slightly.

I am super intrigued by talking intelligent zombies. My single biggest criticism is that the reader hasn't really seen them in action yet. I'm dying for a good full on encounter. I thought I was going to get one when they found the nest but no such luck.

I like the journal format and all but it appears to be limiting the story to strictly telling with no real showing of anything that is happening. Have you considered having actual conversations between Sam, Sean and Jamie mixed in among or between the journal entries? I think dialog would open the story up and make it much more active than it is now.

Don't get me wrong I love what you have now. You ability to tell a story is phenomenal. I'm just ready for some heart pumping action is all. There is a great opportunity coming up with Jamie going to get revenge. I really would like to SEE that, maybe from Jamie's pov since the others are not with him.

I love all the medical explanation for the creation and spread of the virus. You did an awesome job with that. It's so in depth but not so much that you lose the reader and it sounds totally plausible. Bravo.

What is the plan for this story? I mean is this going to stay a short story? Or is it going to be a novel? I think you have a great set up for a book here. All you need to do is start showing the reader what is going on outside the journal as well as what the kids are recording.

I hope you decide to go that way with it. I would love to see some interaction with other characters especially the zombies. Right now I kind of feel like Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park when he says, "Now, now.. eventually you do plan to have dinosaurs on your dinosaur tour zombies in your zombie story, right?"

Anyway, I really enjoyed this story a lot. I love your writing style it is very clear concise and super easy to follow. Your characters are cool and believable. And I think your new take on zombie lore is interesting. Basically, I like it all and would certainly recommend it to zombie loving friends of mine. It's a great read.

I'm looking forward to reading more of it in the future. I will be working my way through the rest of your port today so you will be hearing from me again soon. Thanks for the ride it was fun.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


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