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Review #3583740
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Review by Lilithmoon☽ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hello Suze,

I just wanted to tell you how difficult you made it to judge the Daily Slice contest today. This is an awesome story and I enjoyed it so much. The determining factor on choosing the winner was originality in combination with scare factor.

In all honesty I think this story is the one that actually scared me the most. This is a very visceral tale. Perhaps, it is because I am a mother and the thought of that happening to my child as well as myself is just terrifying.

This story is incredibly well written. The characters and all their conversations and actions seem very real and natural. I could feel the love shared between mother and son. I thought the dialog with the neighbor was very ominous and well placed.

Now that the contest is over and you don't have to deal with word counts and time issues I would like to see you expand on the story just a little bit. Maybe, you could include the selling and setting up of the bed by the neighbor to add even more foreshadowing. I would really like to be privy to that scene. I think you write the neighbor very well and it would prove an interesting encounter.

Overall, I think this is just an incredibly well crafted and told story. You should be proud. Thanks for entering the contest. It was a very close decision and I really look forward to reading more from you in the future.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/08/2011 @ 1:17pm EDT
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