Hello elizjohn,

Well okay. This is quite the epic. It took me a couple of days to complete. Sorry. I am going to be honest with you because I know that's why you asked me to review this for you. This is not one of my favorite pieces of yours. In fact it is probably my least favorite of anything I have read from you. I will try to explain.

I am in no way criticizing your style or voice because as always I love that. You style is very concise, easy to follow and interesting. I enjoy it very much. Honestly if anyone else had written this piece I might not have finished it.

The biggest thing I didn't like about this piece other than the disturbing subject matter is the disjointedness of it. You said you were trying to do certain things with it and normally I can tell where you are going with your stories but not this one.

Maybe if you made it clearer to the reader what sin the Soul is guilty of it would make more sense. I take it to be Lust but if the greatest thing the woman is guilty of is being promiscuous the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Well, maybe it does but it seems excessive in my opinion. I guess that makes the story that much more horrible and frightening so in that respect it works.

There are just so many points that are confusing for me though. I guess you intentionally kept the escape obscure so the reader would not recognize that the soul had inhabited a new body but I think it would do worlds of good to maybe revisit that scene later and show the reader what really happened.

Some other things that I don't understand... Was the soul really an old woman? If so was her sin Lust? If so that makes it even more sad and disturbing. What hell was this? Hades? What's up with all the half-men half-animal creatures? Is that just part of this soul's punishment or are they residents of hell too? Are they gods? Demons? Who rules this hell? Why was this woman sent there? Does everyone go there?

It might just be me but these are all things I wonder while I am reading this story because I read a lot of mythology and you seem to have mixed mythos.

When I first started reading this story I totally thought you were putting a new twist on the story of Persephone and Demeter. I thought you had Persephone escaping from Hades and that the old woman was Demeter but when the old woman started being violated it soon became apparent that wasn't the case.

Another thing I don't understand is why the Soul isn't aware of what is happening? I mean you do state that after awhile of hiding that the soul starts to relax but does that mean that it suddenly forgets that it is being hunted by a hellhound that wants to take it back to hell?

I guess one of my biggest problems with the tale is believing that a Soul that has spent countless years being raped and sexually tortured would escape from hell acquire a new young body and start seducing men and having sex. If it was me I would never have sex again or at the very least turn lesbian.

I love the idea of the hellhound stalking the prey/soul to take back to hell though. That is a very great idea for terrifying tale. I would just rather see you focus on that part of the story than the sexual torture and seductions. However, if your goal was to write horotica, I think you did that very well. That's just not my thing.

So yeah, like I said it might just be me that doesn't get it. I have a bad habit of thinking too much and reading into things that I shouldn't. Please take my opinions for what they are worth and keep in mind everyone has one hehe.

I still feel you are an incredibly gifted writer and I will gladly read anything you write. This story just wasn't for me. I'm sure there are many people who will disagree. It really is beautifully written. Well, I bet this is the last time you ask me for a review LOL. Sorry.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .



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