Hey Bane,

My god, this is just gruesome. I found it completely horrifying so well done. I love how you describe the scene to the waking Kara. Damn, that is hardcore.

There is obviously more to this story since you stop in mid murder hehe. I am very curious to know what the heck is going on of course. Why only two? Who are they being delivered to and why?

What's up with the nurse? I think she got there a bit too late. The whole story is a set up for something really good I can tell. I definitely want to read more so you good job.

There is only one criticism I have with the piece as it is written. Kara's dialog is not believable to me at all. I don't see her saying "Freedom," upon stepping outside and that line, "You you can't have me," is pretty weak. Sorry.

Other than that I love the whole thing. It is incredibly creepy and frightening. It has the whole Texas Chainsaw style to it which is just horrifying. And I care enough about Kara to want to know what is in store for her next. Good job.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .



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