First I want to say that this review is meant to help and not to harm and it is only my opinion.

I am going to make some suggestions so please do not be offended as these are only suggestions.

After reading the poem I felt it could be less wordy and still have the same emotional effect.

Some changes that may or may not help the writer.

Slowly, I sip the tangy liquid
That makes me so feel good
I reminisce on her beauty
I see her in a light pink dress.
Silk hair falling on her shoulders
I see her crystal blue eyes.
Piercing through my soul
She was the love of my life.
I can't believe that she would cheat on me (leave this line out let the reader imagine it)


As she started to fade away,
I screamed as loud as I could.
A shiver passed through my whole body.
Suddenly, her image turned into a man. (with wrinkles, who had surely seen his day.) leave this out.
He looked dark and mysterious as he said,
"It is time,"



I looked at him in bewilderment.
His eyes had the same feelings, as mine (I would leave this line let the reader come to their own conclusions)
I took one step closer to him.
We both took a deep breath
I felt him enter my body.
As I fell to my death,
I whispered,
"Sylvia".

Summary: I think this poem has a lot of potential but it needs to be worked out
I think the writer has great word imagery and emotional projection