Hi bertiebrite hoping for peace ,
I'm Julie D - PUBLISHED! and I'm reviewing your poem, "A Mermaid's Tears" .

WHY I CHOSE TO REVIEW THIS ITEM:
I saw that your poem came in 1st Place in "Invalid Item"  and, since I am a lover of romantic poetry, I decided to take a look. Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

OVERALL SENSE:
This is a beautiful poem with such sweet sentiments. It tells a uniquely imaginative story that shows off your creative talent.

CONVENTIONS:
I adore all poetry and, as I mentioned above, romantic poetry is a favorite of mine. While I enjoy all poetic forms, Traditional (rhyming) poetry has always held a special place within my heart. In my opinion, the rhythmic feel leaves one with a sense of peace and harmony when reading through such a melodic piece.
 
SPELLING/GRAMMAR:
There are just a few things to note here.
 
“Peices of glass on a shoreline…?” The word “peices” should be “pieces”. Although this is your brief description and not actually a part of your poem, it is still an important area. The brief description is one of the things that will catch a reader’s attention, drawing them in to (hopefully) read/rate/review it.
 
“A Mermaids Tears” The word “mermaids” should be “mermaid’s” so that it matches the title of your item. It is missing the apostrophe from you byline in the item itself.

FAVORITE LINES:
“I smiled and held to Dave’s hand tight
for we must love with all our might
against that day when tide and time
release us from fair Earth’s design.”
 
The whole poem was great, but this was a marvelous finish! You have captured the bittersweet sorrow of loving someone that we will eventually lose due to the tides and time. It reminds me of the marriage vows that have been used for ages, “To love, honor and cherish until death do us part”.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:
There were several areas that gave me pause when reading this aloud.
 
“and holding hands he slowly lead
me to shelter of the rocks”
 
I realize you are trying to keep your rhyme with the lines above and below these, but the line break here is a bit rough. You’ll see what I mean if you read the poem out loud. You could actually end the thought with “lead”. For example…
 
“and holding hands he slowly lead
seeking the shelter of the rocks”
 
That slight modification allows for a smoother read without altering the meaning behind these lines.
 
“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers near the shore”
 
These are the only lines that do not rhyme. While there is nothing wrong with that because it could be construed as use of poetic license, there is a way to rhyme this, if you choose to do so.
 
“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers that left me in awe”
 
OR
 
“I looked back once and thought I saw
a set of flippers perfectly flawed”
 
The first example would be an exact (or hard) rhyme, while the second would be a near (or soft) rhyme. Your lines are great as they are, but it’s always nice to have options, right?
 
One other thing I wanted to mention was punctuation. There is no right or wrong for whether or not punctuation should be used in poetry. It is at the writer’s discretion. However, using it does make for an easier, effortless read as it helps the reader determine breaks in thought more clearly. It is also a great way to add emphasis to specific areas. Your poem has some, but it is very minimal. I felt that there were a few areas that could have used a bit more definition, or structure, by adding either a period or a comma.
 
I mean no offense by any of the suggestion above. As a writer and reviewer yourself, you know that these suggestions are given with the best intentions. One of the greatest pieces of literary advice I have ever received is that you should never consider a piece truly finished. Every so often you should revisit the item and make minor adjustments here and there.

CONCLUSION:
This really is a lovely poem that brought a tear to my eye when I read it. It made me think of the one I love and how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to lose him.

Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work!  WRITE ON!!

NOTE: Please remember that the above comments and suggestions are only one person's opinion. Take what you can use but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. Most important of all, keep writing, improving, and contributing to our wonderful community!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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