First Response: I really like this and although the flow and rhyme schematics were unusual, they worked rather well.

Characters: The girl being described is done so rather well, and reverberates an emotional reaction in the reader.

Spelling and Grammar: Seems rather thought out and executed/

Good Points: The tone and theme is organic. The words are fluent and natural. Well written.
Suggestions:

Overall: I liked it, it was a good piece.