First response: In depth and descriptive.
Characters: Narrator has a strong overall tone and voice that resonates loudly through out the entire piece.
Spelling and Grammar: Change some of the commas to periods to prevent the entire story as being read as one long, stretched out sentence.
Good Points: Good vocabulary and syntax, with the flow coming off as organic and natural/
Suggestions: Besides adding periods to break up the sentences, and more details and insert more of an emotional aspect and perspective to the piece to round it out nicely and touch on all the main aspects a good piece of literature or a work of art contains.
Overall: A good fundamental foundation, with vivid and concise language that is well thought out, and exceptionally written and executed, although there remain some missing aspects.

My review has been submitted for

consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .