Hello ms poet ,



I came across your writing by browsing the Read a Newbie section and would like to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind that they just reflect my personal opinion, so feel free to pick out whatever seems fitting and ignore the rest *sile*

What I liked
I liked the message of this piece and the way you use this to end it on a positive note. It's important to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel when you're experiencing hard times, and you work that into your writing really well.
I liked the title, too - it fits nicely and leaves the reader room for their own associations.

Room for improvement
Since this piece does have regular rhymes, I'd rework it into a real poem, with stanzas and line breaks as well as categorizing it as poetry.
I suggest you go over this piece and watch out for misspellings. Sometimes you're confusing similar sounding words, as in "make me there wife" - what you're looking for here is "their" - or in "because your trying" - you need "you're" here.
I also suggest you add a little punctuation. There are some points where I think a period would work well, as you have finished one thought and go on to the next, and at the end of stanza/paragraph 2 you need a question mark.

Overall impression
This is a thoughtful, emotional "poem" with great potential - with a bit of attention it would be very good
Thank you for sharing this and keep it up!

Happy holidays to you!
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .