%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3648532 |
| Hello! Remember, this review is only my opinion and you do not have to change anything. All I ask is that you take a minute to read it and consider the things that I am suggesting. Overall Impression: This is a poem explaining how beautiful a woman is. Rhyme: The rhyme is not important, of course, but in my opinion it helps the poem flow better. You did a very nice job with the rhyme. Meter: You did very good in some stanzas ... But in others, not as well. For example: when her eyes catches my eye i wander if my mind is telling me a lie The first line is 7 syllables. The second line has 12 syllables.  Try to keep the syllable structure as close as possible.Word Choice: I thought the word choice was very word choicey.  In other words, it was really good. Title: The title fits the poem well. Emotion: This poem made me feel like I knew this beautiful woman that could not have more beauty and I am in love with her. Emoticon:  Suggestions/Mistakes: There was quote a bit actually ... as the stars call me to sleep -- As the stars call me to sleep, i hear a sound that's so sweet -- I hear a sound that's so sweet. she calls with a silent whisper -- She calls with a silent whisper, and beauty too hard to picture -- and beauty to hard to picture. when her eyes catches my eye -- When her eyes catch my eyes, i wander if my mind is telling me a lie -- I wonder if it is a lie. when she walks away she blows a kiss -- When she walks away she blows me a kiss. i dive for it so i don't accidentlly miss -- I dive for it so I don't accidentally miss. i quiet my words to hear hers -- I quiet my words just to hear hers. i stand still to feel the delayed shivers -- I stand still to feel the long shivers. if she should ever leave I'd miss her call -- If she should ever leave I would miss her call, but i would miss her sacred beauty most of all -- but I'd miss her sacred beauty most of all. Star Rating from One to Five:   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.