Review of showering acts of joy



Why I chose this piece Going through new authors; newbie review

Overall impression of piece: There are flashes of good writing in here. You have an eye to see what is really going on but our perhaps too deep for the average reader. I have no idea how old you are. A bio entry would have been helpful. Do most highschoolers feel lobotomized at graduation. Statistics show there creativity leaves every year from kindergarden

Grammatical and spelling errors: delirious I think is mispelled

What I liked?: You write poetically like this is a maelstrom of feelings and reactions. I realize that is the adolescent way of doing things and can appreciate that. Have them intereact more with the outside world. As much as they hate it, they don't want to be left out

What I disliked: There is too much introspection in this and not enough story. Readers need to know what is going on before they try and deal with feelings and complex musings. First paragraph is very long and hard to wade through. I think it is ok for them to be them, but more connection to the outside world would help place and time

How the piece made me feel: I think there is a lot more here then most will pick up. Stories introduce characters. This kind of appears to be the other way around. I think you are having the character introduce the story. For me, it doesn't work

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting.

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Peace and beauty in freefall
MichaelFrom Mountains