Reviews are limited by at least two things: The reviewer's knowledge/background and the author's temperament. Sometimes the reviewer's understanding and interpretation of a piece misses the mark. When the author believes this is the case, he can become hurt or angered. Please don't be. This review is neither a condemnation of your work, nor an extolment. It's just my opinion, nothing more.





The story has a fragmented feel, as it flashes from scene to scene. I think it opens in a psychiatrist’s office, then flashes to a scene with her mother, then to her conversation with the wife of the man she has had an affair with, the to her walking to her car, then back to the scene with the woman, and then back to the psychiatrists office, and finally to the scene with her daughter.

In some ways she seems to contradict herself in this story. She doesn’t care about other’s feelings, she makes that clear, yet at the end, she does clearly care that her daughter not know her past, only that she is loved. This woman has suddenly shifted from that of a witch to a caring mother. It seems an intriguing but peculiar shift.
The sudden changes in scenery without any hint of those changes will prove difficult for a lot of readers. I can see some of the shifts, but others I can only speculate on their nature, as I did above.

I like writing that focuses on human emotions, actions, behavior and anything that make up the human condition. To me that is far more interesting and relevant than tales of fairies, aliens and ninjas, which far too many people write on this site. You seek to uncover what makes this person tick, their fears, regrets, shame. We even see her rationalize, as she tries to assuage her guilt at what she’s done. She uses a vague and ambiguous defense to defend her “stealing” a husband from another woman. It’s a popular defense – try to lay the blame elsewhere, or claim there is no blame because of faulty logic.

There are a few things I didn’t like. For example”

I feel a parasite gnawing at my beating organ
While I understand that it is this particular person’s way of speaking, if you used “beating organ: simply because you thought it effective, to me it is not. It’s actually kitschy slang. The word heart is direct, honest and real. Of course, if you used this to show the type of woman she is, that is different.

I deluded myself to believe that I can feel the agony of others I’ve hurt.
How about, “I deluded myself into believing….”?

My mind never crossed how my actions could affect my family until I seen that little palm pat the glass.
Do you mean, “until I saw that little palm…”?

While at times it seemed that the story was needlessly scattered and enigmatic, it does seek to look into the motives and actions for our behavior. On the end she learns from her child what she was unable to accept before. When she sees the child, all that circular reasoning goes out the window and suddenly her reasoning is clear…she understands her duty to her child, and she has, at least at that moment, a better person.
I would like to see this tale written a little more clearly, more reader friendly. I’m not asking for a lot of word, and certainly not dumbing it down, clarifying and improving would be my words. It’ a good story and I think it can be even better if you smooth out some of the transitions make her logic a little less convoluted.

She , like most of us, I a better person when she thinks about someone else, and not herself. I did like that part especially, and thought it was a strong ending.