Reviews are limited by at least two things: The reviewer's knowledge/background and the author's temperament. Sometimes the reviewer's understanding and interpretation of a piece misses the mark. When the author believes this is the case, he can become hurt or angered. Please don't be. This review is neither a condemnation of your work, nor an extolment. It's just my opinion, nothing more.




First, I see you are fairly new to Writing.com so I thought I'd just stop by and welcome you and while here, read something of yours.

I’m not sure how they do it, but I want Marina and Megan to come help me clean my house. I’d like to have an ice cream soda.

It’s a fun story, short but a tale of this nature is best fit to be short since the optimism seems fitting for short space. It is an excellent story for children, there is a naiveté to the style that is charming to read.

One thing I would like to see you do is, tell the reader who or what Jane and Marie are. Are the humans, or some type of animals. You tell who their friends are, but not them. The reader is going to want to know.

Thoughts:

It was the beginning of spring and the first day of spring cleaning. Jane and Marie decided to help clean Sara's house
I think it is, “spring-cleaning” with a hyphen.

I’d avoid using the same word in close proximity. Here there are two examples of that: “spring,” and “clean/cleaning.” I’d just try to use another word, or write it in a different way.

Marina the teal, green-eyed singing sheep and Megan the pink, blue-eyed music-loving rabbit.

So if Marina is a sheep and Megan is a rabbit, what are Jane and Marie? You’ll want to tell your reader this, before you tell the reader what their friends are.

By the time the house was all clean
I don’t think you need the word, “all” I think just saying, “the house was clean” implies the same thing.

We two know how to make them appear right before your eyes!"
I don’t think you need, “two” here. Again I think it is implied.

caused five strawberry ice cream sodas to magically appear for each of them.

“to magically appear” is a split infinitive. How about saying, “caused five strawberry ice cream sodas to appear magically for each of them.? Or, {magically caused five strawberry shakes to appear for each of them”

Last Words:

I particularly liked the ending. After getting treats for housecleaning, They couldn't wait to clean Jane and Marie's houses the next day. I thought that was cute for it not only teaches a lesson about working together and enjoying what you do, but it also had a little humor mixed in. I mean, who would want to do a little work if it meant getting treats after!

It was a fun story. I think it would be even better if you’d added a little bit more, maybe describe the relationship, as well as who these animals are. But it is a fine Allegory and I am sure the intended audience will not only enjoy it, but will learn from it too.