Overall Impression:The way this is written is interesting. The main character Lisa, telling a story of a string of events. It is mysterious, but at some points it loses focus. I like the mystery of Lisa being afraid of the water. The ending fell flat for me, how did she die? I know she drowned, but how? That seems like it is a key point missing. It may have been kept a secret to add mystery, but I feel it takes away from the story.

Characters:The main character works and so does being written in first person. I like Lisa, a girl with a fear. And Jason is a great character too. I wish there was more on what happened to Jason after Lisa drowned. More information on how it affected him, it's hinted at the start of the story and that's all.

Dialog:Works, no problems here.

Setting/Scene:The scene with the swimming lessons in the beginning. It shows how the two characters are connected. The other is when Lisa finally swims, it adds a sense of danger to the story.

Grammar/Suggestions:I really would like this story more if it had more information. To be expanded and go over how Lisa died and how it has changed the lives for everyone else.

I enjoyed reading your story and thank you for sharing it.






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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .