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 Review #3811109 |
 | Magic Whiplash  [E] 55-word story contest: 4 Elemental mages inspire a fifth with their collective abilities.  |
| (3.5)| Please note - any suggestions are my personal opinion. Feel free to use them or ignore them. Title: "Magic Whiplash" Author: A*Monaing*Faith Reviewed by: KerrieAnnS How I came by your work: I am here reviewing your contest entry for the "I Write in December-January-February" First Impression: It is very mystical as we know that there has been magic, and magic of great power. But it merely hints at the story behind it. Story line / Theme: Magic, mystical energy, good v evil (?) Characters: We have the a witness to a magical encounter. We do not know his name, and if not for the description under the title we would not know he was a mgician. Then we have the other four, who we know are mages but if not for the description again we would not know that they were elemental mages. Finally we have Usha who is the enemy and either also the empress or a pivotal part in her plan, I'm not sure. I know that the story is limited to 55 words so therefore there can't be alot of detail. Writing Style/ Narrative Voice: Third Person from the onlookers perspective. Setting: I'm not sure what you mean by "Mud, burnt windswept vegetation all around." Without the med it makes sense, but I am not sure where the mud comes into play? This makes your setting rather confusing. Descriptions: You use good descriptive words to explore the intensity of the magi being used; brilliant glow, blazing heat, magic whiplash. Emotional Reaction: There is a feeling of triumph, of good conquering evil and escaping oppression into a 'new life'. It provokes a very positive emotional reaction. Beginning and End: We start with raw power and destruction but by the end we have escape and freedom. A promise of better things to come. What I liked most: How much you managed to cram into 55 words! Suggestions: I would suggest looking into the sentence, "Mud, burnt windswept vegetation all around." as it is rather confusing. Conclusion: A very good short story, teasing the reader with its hints and making them desire more. Keep writing!    WRITE ON ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/17/2013 @ 8:58pm EST