Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and with "I Write in December-January-February"  [E] as well. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
I like the title as it connects to the original inspiration but also has it's own little twists. I was a bit confused about the choice in golem, but that was more because I didn't know what it was. A quick look in my dictionary helped to fix that. And the description is good because it explains what you are trying to do with the retelling of a possibly familiar story depending on the reader.


Initial Reaction:
Kind of fun that I get to review this piece. I really wanted to enter the contest too and I feel a little bad because I had an idea but it turned out too big to do in short story and last minute, so I didn't get to enter. So many contests are struggling for entries right now. But to the actual reaction to your story.

Honestly, I own a copy of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep but I have never read it. And I have never seen Blade Runner. So, I had no idea if it followed the storyline or how much and such, but I still enjoyed reading your version.


Setting:
Set in medieval times for the contest that inspired the story. I think you did pretty well showing minimal aspects of setting in order to give the medieval appearance without taking it too far. The clay part worked out great for that factor and also the connection with the story that inspired it.


Character Development:
Overall, interesting. I didn't quite expect it to go the way it did, partly because I had never read the original story or seen the movie it inspired. Yet it made sense with the character and the different sections we got of him. We saw little parts of him that later on connect when the reveal happens. I think he worked well for the role and even with the sections of story where it feels like a little story might be missing but there are often word count restraints to consider affecting his development a little.


Plot:
Well done. The sections tell/show the important part of the story, the ones the reader needs to see for sure. I don't remember the word count limit but you didn't have a novella or even novelette option so they sections make sense in this case to tell the story. While it's obviously not the most original idea out there, when writing from someone else's story that's kind of a given, I think that's okay. We don't have to always strive to come up with the idea no one has had since that pretty much doesn't exist anyways. And you do put an interesting tale together with this one.


Other Notes:
Overall, there isn't much I can point out in this section of the review. This is where I give the nitpicky suggestions and point out specific areas to rewrite/edit. But overall you did a good job with this story. I only have one thing to really mention and it's definitely a nitpicky, follow if you see fit but you're okay probably if you don't type (and yes the -ly words in this section are a bit of a reference, lol).

Adverbs - You do okay for most of the story but there are a couple points where you can cut out a few of the adverbs and make the sentences stronger. The ending paragraph is a good example. There are 3 -ly words in that paragraph and two uses of "quite" which can be a weak word at times too. Handling those types of issues, adverbs and other weaker words will just be the last little touch to make this a very strong story.

Overall good job and I'm pretty sure if I had gotten my story done, you'd be the winner of the contest.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .