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Review #3819145
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Review of Three seconds  Open in new Window.
Review by KerrieAnnS Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Title: "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

Author: ssam

Reviewed by: KerrieAnnS Author IconMail Icon

How I came by your work: I am reviewing your entry as posted in the "I Write in December-January-February" Open in new Window. contest.

I enjoyed your creative description of a fleeting love not meant to last. However, I think you mixed your tenses up in your first stanza:

Heaven send me pure joy
Cupid’s arrows assailed
Inflicting delightful pain.

Here you ask for heaven to send you pure joy now, but cupids arrow has already assailed you. I would recommend changing send to sent. I also find it strange that you cross each others paths, receive a smile, and then afterwards she comes into view. Surely she is already in view? I do love your descriptive imagery, and find them very effective at evoking an emotional reaction from the reader. You have a powerful message to leave with the reader at the end of your poem. Ultimately, the reader is left with a culmination of emotions; love, happiness excitement, loss, pain and loneliness. All in such a short piece of writing, this is very impressive.

Overall a powerful, imaginative, and emotional piece, but I would reconsider some of your wording and the chronology storyline.

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