Well written, no mistakes I could find. I am not sure what the contest rules are or what the image was since the link on the "I Write.." contest was to a list of contestants and I couldn't find the rules. I am not sure if this is a continuation of other's stories, or a piece of a story written in a round robin?

Whatever it is, this story seems to be part of a large one and more like a scene. It has good description and the beginnings of the characters.