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Review #3825378
Viewing a review of:
The Flower Girl Open in new Window. [ASR]
April comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.
by Jeff Author Icon
Review of The Flower Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Noyoki Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Jeff Author Icon,

My Thoughts:

This story had the potential of been a cliché, but I think you pulled it off masterfully. You took a well known cliché 'always a bridesmaid, never a bride' and breathed new life into it. The florist was very human, quite true to life and not standing loftily above her grievances, but not giving into bitterness either. I think you walked a good line between being a good sport, and being a royal bitch.

My Favorite Part:

In this story my favorite part was that April's happy ending is alluded to in the form of the photographer. She was rewarded for taking what was a hard case, one that many people would have rejected and refused to endure no matter how much money it paid, and because of that she may have found what she'd been looking for all along.

I also like how the names fit with the overall story. April, the beginning of spring when flowers bloom, even Greene, which reminds me of summer and new grass. It tied things together nicely.

My Suggestions:

I think you needed to add a little bit more tension to the story. Things went just a bit too easy for April, and I think that there should have been some more conflict before she reaches the end.

Aside from that, this was a great story. April was quirky and fun, and I love that she was able to get back a little bit of revenge. She didn't give in to her hurt and anger, and she was able to do her job even though it was hard.

Thank you,

~Noyoki

Write On!!


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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3825378