Hello A*Monaing*Faith

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and also as part of the "I Write in December-January-February"  [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title:
Well considering the basic idea behind the small little attempt at a haiku poem, the title makes sense. It's quirky and would probably draw some attention as people will wonder what a tomato vampire might be, so that works. It's part of a daily challenge, based on the contest and day number listed, so that gives information too and it's nice to know what contest, which the book item the poem is in does that well.


Comments:
This poem has potential but in the end didn't work for me. I felt almost like it was two different poems cut and pasted together with the first half, the part in first person as one poem, and the rest as a different poem. I was also confused by the different font aspects, the italics then bold, then colors. I don't know why they are done that way but it didn't make sense in my head at least.

While the idea of the vegetarian vampire is amusing, I think it's one that needed a different form, one with more lines and syllables allowed, in order to pull it off. As a haiku, it just didn't work for me.

The rating is based on this single poem, and not the book in its entirety.


Form:
A haiku is a simple but difficult form. Having only 3 lines, 1 stanza and specific syllable counts requires a certain finesse. While it looks like you followed the form, I had some struggles over the content that was used in the attempt. While, I know that many write haiku's about things other than just nature, and that is fine, the disjointed nature that I listed above made it harder to understand this particular haiku attempt.


Favorite Part:
The initial idea behind the poem. I'm not a fan of vampires in general, even the mention of them usually, but this idea would be an exception to that fact. It has an amusing concept and could be developed further.


Line-by-line and Suggestions:
This is my general suggestion of the poem. I'm not going to pick it apart line by line as I feel that isn't necessary. These are just my opinion of what I think would work better for the poem. If you decide to keep it however you want, that is fine too.

First, the different font things. - I am one who doesn't like random colors and such in writing online unless I can see the reason for it. This is a case where aside from maybe tomato being red and considering the prompt the red almost made sense, nothing else really showed a reason for the differences. It's just kind of random and without purpose, which I know some like to do on WDC but for me, it doesn't work as well and instead distracts the reader. I would recommend not having the italics, or the colors, or the random underlining of one word unless you can warrant the reason for doing those things in the very short poem.

I would either go with the italic portion of the poem, and write the whole poem in that voice, or delete it and write the poem in the distant, look at the vampire who eats tomato aspect. Doing both at once doesn't connect well together and with the poem being so short, it's not enough room to have it so disjointed. The first part in the first person pov had an interesting voice, but I imagine the problem with is was that you don't have a lot of room and wanted to get in the vegetarian tomato part, which is fine. However, if it can't be done in the first person, then the beginning needs changed to keep the voice the same throughout.


Hope you are enjoying the challenge of the month long contest and having fun writing the different kinds of poems. I know that a month challenge isn't easy, having done them before, and sometimes you struggle to get the poem, but in the end having written these will help improve your skills as a poet. Good effort and good luck with other poems in the future.






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .